I knew why I wanted to be a Navy SEAL because I wanted to be someone special.

One day I was walking down the street and I passed a neighbor recruiting office and I saw a

poster. All I said was be someone special and I was transfixed.

You see I did not feel special at that time. I felt small. I felt tiny. I felt the way you feel when you grow up in a traumatic situation. I've never told these

stories before. I'm telling them now because it's the first day of

training. Bud's class 170.

We've been at it for hours.

We're cold, we're wet, endless push-ups.

The instructor yells at us, hit the surf.

I turn and I start running toward the surf and in that moment I flash back to my 12th Christmas

staring in horror at my stocking which was full of coal and the shame that Santa Claus would be so

mad at me that would give me coal. Back at Buds in that moment I was like wow what

am I doing here? Am I worthy to be a Navy

seal am I a strong enough good enough person to be a Navy seal time will tell you

see like you, childhood was challenging. There's a lot of chaos going on in our house.

Had a lot of things to unpack as I got older.

I remember many times my father would storm up the

stairs, come screaming into the bedroom, belt coming off of his pants and you

slapped, smacks my brother and then he would point at me and say same to you.

And I remember thinking, well, dude, why don't you just smack me too?

It's way easier than having the guilt of not being hit while my brother was getting that abuse.

Countless time. I remember one time where my brother and I were rough housing in this room

...