Welcome to another episode of This Fucking Guy, the series where we spotlight one guy making America worse and explain why they suck. I'm Aaron Ryan, host of Crooked Media's hysteria podcast. And I'm Alyssa Master Monaco, the other host of Crooked Media's hysteria podcast. Today we're going to dive into the life and lies, the fibs and foibles of Sam Altman. Scam Altman, if you're nasty. The Open AI guy. The Open AI guy. Before he was the face of an unproven

unproven, unprofitable technology that nobody asked for, an empty promise that has the entire system of capitalism by the tender danglers, Altman spent decades in Silicon Valley cozying up to the right people. And it's a good thing, too, because there have been a few times in Altman's career when a normal person would have been run out of town. Like Pete Heggseth, he's fucked up three different organizations. Like Peter Thiel, he's made people close to him believe that he might be a liar or a sociopath. Only time will prove whether or not Sam Altman is lying about this AI thing, and by that time he might have moved on to a new scam.

Because every time Sam Altman proves inept at something, he's rewarded with more responsibility.

Ah, the Silicon Valley Special, another megalomaniac tech bro who has bamboozled millions into believing he's the Yoda of Innovation when he's actually just a less wrinkly Emperor Palpatine.

I would say he's more like a guy who pretends to be Emperor Palpatine at children's birthday parties because he doesn't have the force.

He and his friends can't shoot lightning bolts.

They've all agreed to pretend that they have it.

And that elaborate game of pretend may take the entire world down with it.

And here we go again.

Samuel Harris Altman was born on April 22nd, 1985 in Chicago, Illinois, to a Jewish family. His mother was a dermatologist, his dad was a real estate broker. In 1989, the family moved to Clayton, Missouri

in the St. Louis area. Pretty unremarkable. Altman's backstory is positively Zuckerbergian.

When Altman was eight, he received his first computer. According to him, he would fiddle and faddle

around with the hardware and software as a way to pass time. When he got a bit older, his parents

sent him to a fancy private school called the John Burroughs School, because of course they did.

Altman has two brothers,

Jack and Max, and a sister named Annie, who is nine years younger than Sam. Growing up, Sam and

Annie were close. Annie would later claim that as a child, Sam was her favorite brother. Beyond their

shared childhood, Annie's life would diverge sharply from her brothers when she became an adult.

The youngest Altman was never in the

tech space. She was an artist and podcaster who alternately had a hard time holding down a regular

job and supported herself through sex work on OnlyFans. In 2025, Anne Altman filed a lawsuit

against Sam, claiming he had sexually abused her for nine years, starting when she was three.

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