This F*cking Guy: John Roberts
Hysteria
Hysteria
4.7 • 7.5K Ratings
🗓️ 21 June 2026
⏱️ 52 minutes
🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In our 42nd episode of This F*cking Guy, Erin and Alyssa dive deep into the past of the most uptight motherf*cker on the planet, Chief Justice John Roberts. From his early days as a “soberpuss” scholar, to playing the long game to gut the Voting Rights Act, to being the ringleader of malicious intent on the Citizens United ruling, to his obsession with being perceived as a Fancy Law Boy Institutionalist, this may be one of our most phony guys yet.
For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email transcripts@crooked.com and include the name of the podcast, episode title, and episode date.
Sources:
Roberts started on path to success at young age (The Washington Times)
The Supreme Court’s Power Grab (The New York Review)
Entering a new Supreme Court term, John Roberts is as enigmatic as ever (The Christian Science Monitor)
Biographies of the Robes: John Glover Roberts (Thirteen PBS)
No More Mr. Nice Guy (The New Yorker)
Court Nominee's Life Is Rooted in Faith and Respect for Law (New York Times)
In the Rough (Slate)
Portrait of the Chief Justice as a Family Man (The Washington Post)
Does John Roberts’ Whites-Only Childhood Home Explain the Supreme Court’s Callais Ruling? (Slate)
Roberts' Conflicts Of Interest (CBS News)
Roberts's Rules (The Atlantic)
Did Roberts Help Fuel AIDS Scare? (Science)
Chief justice tumbles after seizure (CNN)
The Pro-Money Court: How the Roberts Supreme Court Dismantled Campaign Finance Law (Brennan Center)
John Roberts: Supreme Court Nomination Hearings from PBS NewsHour and EMK Institute (YouTube)
Money Unlimited (The New Yorker)
‘They come to me’: Jane Roberts’ legal recruiting work involved officials whose agencies had cases before the Supreme Court (Politico)
Trump v. CASA Inc. (Oyez)
Citizens United, Explained (Brennan Center)
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to another episode of This Fucking Guy, the series where we highlight one fucking guy |
| 0:06.3 | making America worse and explain why they suck. I'm Aaron Ryan, host of Crooked Media's |
| 0:10.9 | hysteria podcast. And I'm Alyssa Master Monaco, the other host of Crooked Media's hysteria |
| 0:15.8 | podcast. Today, we're going to celebrate the merciful end of another very stupid Supreme Court term by finally letting it rip on the man whose photo should appear alongside the Wikipedia entry for banality of evil. |
| 0:28.1 | Yes, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts embodies America's version of the family in the zone of interest, living in a bubble of aftershave in Catholic Mass, as his decisions are directly responsible for the |
| 0:38.7 | pain and suffering of millions, and perhaps the collapse of the American experiment. But I am sure his |
| 0:43.9 | lawn looks great. John Glover Roberts, Jr. was born on January 27, 1955 in Buffalo, New York. He was |
| 0:51.6 | a second of four children and the only boy. His dad, John, |
| 0:54.6 | Sr., worked for Bethlehem Steel. Little John, or Jackie, as he was called, when he was a kid, |
| 0:59.6 | who was a serious, striving dork, who was extremely gifted academically. Think the conservative |
| 1:04.5 | male equivalent of Lisa Simpson derogatory. One family member who biographer Joan Biscupic spoke with |
| 1:10.5 | said that one of his |
| 1:11.5 | childhood nicknames was sober puss. In the era of the Carvel cookie puss, he was a sober |
| 1:18.5 | puss, but alas, an app nickname as John Roberts is both serious and a pussy. When Roberts was 10, |
| 1:24.9 | his father moved the family to Long Beach, Indiana, a tiny beach town on |
| 1:28.2 | Lake Michigan in order to take a job as an executive at a nearby Bethlehem Steel Plant in Burns Harbor, |
| 1:33.6 | which is about 40 miles south of Chicago. Long Beach was one of those towns that was specifically |
| 1:37.9 | founded for white people, and for years, property deeds stipulated that the homes were not to be |
| 1:43.0 | sold to black or Jewish folks. |
| 1:44.9 | According to author Lisa Graves, quote, deep into the 20th century, Long Beach advertised itself |
| 1:50.3 | as a vacation land within a highly restricted home community where all residents are Caucasian |
| 1:56.0 | Gentiles. |
... |
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