This F*cking Guy: Greg Bovino
Hysteria
Hysteria
4.7 • 7.5K Ratings
🗓️ 8 February 2026
⏱️ 51 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
IErin and Alyssa dive into the past of the border patrol Napoleon, Greg Bovino. From his embarrassing work in El Centro, to cosplaying as an SS officer, to escalating ICE devastation around the country, this fascist pipsqueak may be our most wannabe tough-guy yet.
For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email transcripts@crooked.com and include the name of the podcast.
Sources:
https://archive.is/o7lJd
https://newrepublic.com/post/205613/corey-lewandowski-noem-homeland-security
https://www.imdb.com/video/vi3136730393/?ref_=tt_vids_vi_1
https://www.foxnews.com/us/california-border-patrol-chief-slams-sanctuary-illegal-immigrant-tak
Es-life-dui
https://calmatters.org/economy/2025/04/border-patrol-records-kern-county/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | We're going to be here until that mission's accomplished, as I said, and better get used to us now, |
| 0:05.4 | because this is going to be normal, very soon. |
| 0:08.5 | It's going to be normal. |
| 0:09.8 | This is going to be normal pretty soon. |
| 0:12.0 | You better watch out for me. |
| 0:13.6 | I got a horse. |
| 0:16.3 | Welcome to another episode of This Fucking Guy, the series where we pick one guy who is making America worse and explore why they suck. |
| 0:24.3 | I'm Aaron Ryan, host of Crooked Media's hysteria podcast. |
| 0:27.4 | And I'm Alyssa Master Monaco, the other host of Crooked Media's hysteria podcast. |
| 0:31.8 | You asked, we answered, folks. |
| 0:33.5 | Today's subject is Greg Bovino, a man who is doing the difficult job of representing the |
| 0:38.4 | Lollipop Guild while also being the preening, absurd public face of ICE's disastrously |
| 0:43.3 | inept operations. |
| 0:44.8 | Bovino has put himself front and center of an organization that has positioned itself |
| 0:49.1 | as the Army Green Berets of armed and untrained losers. |
| 0:52.9 | We're going to make a lot of fun of how dumb looking |
| 0:55.0 | he is today because there's such a difference between how he thinks he's coming across, like a |
| 0:59.3 | strong and tough guy from an action movie, and how he's actually coming across, like a puny |
| 1:03.8 | little dork who couldn't strategize his way out of a wet paper bag. Donald Trump is obsessed |
| 1:08.6 | with looks. He is pathologically preoccupied with optics. The entire aim of |
| 1:12.7 | ice is to create photo opportunities. And in that context, how Greg Bovino, the face of immigration |
| 1:17.6 | enforcement, looks or doesn't look, matters. Before we dive into who Greg Bovino is, let's start |
... |
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