This Changes How You See Avoidantly Attached People ft. Dr. Amir Levine

LOVERS by Shan

Lemonada Media

Relationships, Society & Culture, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

5.0 • 5.7K Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2026

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Showing love to our sponsor Arya. You deserve a novelty and pleasure in your intimate, ESPECIALLY in light of Mothers’ Day. Head to https://www.arya.fyi/mothersday to learn more Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beduc.at/bg2619-boody —————————— How much of your attachment style is actually formed in childhood? In this episode, Shan sits down with renowned psychiatrist and attachment expert Dr. Amir Levine to unpack the myths around attachment theory and why attachment styles are far more flexible than people think. Dr. Levine explores the nuances of anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment, with a specific emphasis on avoidant attachment and the misconceptions surrounding it in modern dating culture. He explains why attachment is better understood as a belief system rather than a fixed diagnosis, revisits the groundbreaking “Strange Situation” experiment developed by Mary Ainsworth, and shares practical tools like the Tennis Wall of Love and the C.A.R.R.P. method to help build healthier, more secure relationships. The conversation also explores how technology and modern communication have completely changed the way we connect, date, and experience intimacy today. Follow Dr. Amir Take his MasterClass on The Science of Connection → https://www.masterclass.com/classes/the-science-of-connection Get His New Book Secure → https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/secure-amir-levine/1148276412 Get His Bestselling Book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love → https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/attached-amir-levine/1102355415 Connect with Dr. Amir → https://amirlevinemd.com Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Lemonada
0:02.0	The word of the moment right now for attachment is avoided.
0:10.0	Oh no, you're totally right.
0:12.0	Avoidance are different.
0:13.0	They have this belief that I just haven't meant the right person yet.
0:16.0	They fall into the same trap again and again, not understanding.
0:19.0	All these people were right, it's just like.
0:22.1	A lot of people here avoided and they hear a narcissist, right?
0:24.8	Like it's a personality disorder.
0:26.0	Right, yes, I hate that.
0:27.1	Even the research is biased against avoidance.
0:29.5	Maybe I shouldn't say that, but here I said it.
0:31.9	Attachment is basically how we feel safe in the world.
0:34.3	There's a lot of myths that have been perpetuated over time.
0:37.3	So one of them is actually that our attachment styles are determined by our childhood attachment style.
0:42.3	Yes.
0:43.3	And that is simply not true. There's research that shows that the attachment style that will have as children,
0:48.3	maybe contributes less than 10% of the attachment style that we have in adulthood.
0:52.3	I'm curious if you've noticed that there's a shift in people's attachment styles
0:57.4	based on the ways that we are conditioned through our phones.
1:04.9	Hi there, lovers. Welcome to the podcast called The Same Damn Thing I Just Said.
1:08.8	My name is Shan. I'm your host, my favorite quote.
	...

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