Well, howdy y'all? It's your boy Santa Claus, aka Young Cringle, aka DJ Snowflake.

Just in time for the holidays, we've got a hot new D-programmerch drop for you.

And wouldn't you know it, a certain president and his buddies are just learning about it.

Gaze into my crystal balls and let's listen in.

Who is buying this merch? This is why communists are so dangerous.

They swag too hard.

Their shits too fire.

If we do not dismantle their merch store, this could be the end of Western civilization as we know it.

You're absolutely right, Jordan.

This is despicable stuff.

Truly despicable. I saw Sandy Cheeks. You know Sandy Cheeks from SpongeBob? I saw Sandy Cheeks wearing a CEO of Antifa shirt. Can you believe that, folks? I couldn't believe it.

That is the most reprehensible thing I've ever heard. Sandy Cheeks is supposed to be a role model for children.

Instead, she's kneeling at the altar of the woke cabal.

Well, I agree with you, Jordan. I do think she should go back to Bikini Bottom.

But to be fair, she did sing that song about wishing she was back in Texas.

Great State, Texas, we love Texas, don't we folks? She sang that song and I thought, you know, I wish I was in Texas too. Wonderful state.

Donald, you're missing the point. This isn't about Texas. It was never about Texas. It's about indoctrination. It's about the radical left poisoning our society through nefarious means.

In this case, the sale of podcaster merchandise at incredibly reasonable prices.

But more than that, in what world is it appropriate for a squirrel to wear clothes in the first place?

Jordan, she has to wear that pressure suit so she can breathe underwater.

I personally wouldn't want to go that far down without a pressure suit,

though I'm sure I could do it. I've got great lung capacity, some of the best, I'm told.

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