May I have your attention please you can now book your train tickets on Uber and get

10% back in credits to spend on your next Uber ride so you don't have to walk home in the brain again.

Trains now on Uber. Tees and sees apply. Check the Uber app.

Someone came up to me in the street and said, are you Jimmy Car or would you just look like Jimmy Car?

I said both.

Hello, I'm Jimmy Car, and I'm announcing a new tour.

It's called Jimmy Car Loves Funny, because they'll be laughs and it'll be funny and because they'll laugh funny.

I think jokes are like magnets.

They attract some people, some people like my comedy,

but like magnets jokes attract and they repel.

Some people are repelled by my sense of humour.

If that's you, don't come and see

come and see Jimmy Car laughs funny. I'll be everywhere. Go to Jimmy Car.

for details.

An Ereio's Original.

I was born with a special gift.

The ability to mentally transform any situation into the worst case scenario in my own brain.

My therapist calls my gift catastrophizing.

And that's why I'm uniquely qualified to scrutinize and analyze history's greatest disasters

and find out who's to blame.

They say history repeats itself.

Not on my watch.

...