The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugleers, and an averagely warm welcome, like I like to think the warmth of my

welcome to the Bugle is at a consistently very high level.

To issue 4,236 of the Bugle, the audio newspaper that has pledged to continue addressing the

world and its various music glitcheries until everything is sorted out.

That is in our unwritten constitution, the best kind of constitution as all Brits know

as it gives you carte blanche to select bits, as when convenient and or make shit up as you go along.

I'm Andy Zoltzmann, recently voted least influential punk rock frontman of the 1980s,

which I can't really argue with, you've honest.

And joining me today, a cast of millions, sorry, two, strewn across South London like the

debris of a poorly directed alien spaceship. I'm joined by Nish Kumar and for the first time in a

long time, Chris Addison. Hello to both of you. Hello, hello Nish, hello Chris, hello Bugleers.

It's been ages, it's been absolutely ages and so on, but I've been busy in my shed working

up a new range of Bugle merch because I feel like T-shirt is something everybody does

and face masks are very 2020 now because they're pretty much over on me. They were fashionable

on public transport for a while, but they've been supplanted by that new trend of coughing and

looking guilty. So I've got a couple of Bugle merch pictures for you. How about bath Zoltz,

a relaxing bath time accessory that gives your tub a distinct aroma of bullshit and as an added

bonus, absolutely clogged your plug hole with ginger pubes. I've got Zoltzmann Pepper,

an ill-advised rap album by Andy Zoltzmann, a 1990s female American golf champion, Dotty Pepper.

Tracks there include Baby Got Back Swing, a cover of the Beastie Boys, hold it now, hit it,

Inda Clubs and 99 Iron Problems, and my final merch picture anyway, and the one I think

...