A listener note. This episode contains references to suicide and depictions of racism and may not be suitable for all listeners. Please be advised.

Imagine. You're sipping an after dinner brandy in a seaside house on the island of Corsica.

A salty Mediterranean breeze ruffles the white cotton curtains. Bessie Smith plays on the stereo. Her voice is almost loud enough to drown out the sound of your heart shattering inside your chest.

But not quite.

Across the table, your lover, make that ex lover, is having an animated conversation about movies, one of your favorite topics.

But tonight, for once, you don't feel like talking. You don't even feel like breathing. All your life, you longed for something bigger than you to believe in.

Something to make the brutal parts of life worth it. You've tried God, you've tried art, you've tried love, but you're alone.

You have nowhere to put your belief, your trust, your faith. Suddenly, those feelings you've harbored since childhood of being ugly and unlovable come rushing back.

You refill your brandy and walk upstairs to the bedroom. No one notices you leave.

Upstairs in your bedroom, you push open the French doors, step onto the balcony, and then step over the balcony railing onto a small ledge above the living room.

You inch yourself along the ledge to the edge of the roof. Then, use a rusty rain gutter to swing down to the stone wall that surrounds the house.

You tightrope walk down the stone wall to the property's edge and jump to the ground, all without spelling a drop. All those lost years of waiting tables have finally paid off.

Thorns bite at your legs as you make your way through a thorny briar patch until you reach your destination, the empty beach.

You look out over the vast, dark sea and wonder if there's something else you could believe in. Another direction you could point your heart.

You take your last sip and then hurl the glass into the sea. It's time to get on with it.

You think about Virginia Woolf, one of your favorite writers. She put stones in her coat pockets and walked into the water.

She was on to something there. Maybe the sea will accept you, just as you are.

So while somewhere in the distance Billy Holiday sings about a moon above and no one to love, you take off your shoes and walk into the sea.

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From Wondry, I'm A. Sanderson and this is Imagine Life.

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to walk in the shoes of someone famous?

On each episode of Imagine Life, we take you on an immersive journey into the life of someone you may think you know. Maybe even admire or the opposite.

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