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These people just make noise and basically waste our time.

Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

Live from the heart of Atlanta, Georgia and beyond, hour one of the Von Hesler Doctrine

begins.

Right now.

I am your lovable, huggable,

radio chat host, Eric von Hessler.

The other voices you hear are the doctrinares.

Man of a thousand voices,

Tim Andrews,

Lady of 184.7 characters,

Autumn Fisher. The man behind the glass, George Clark, and the handsomest

producer in all of producery, Jared Yamamoto.

It's an extremely long wind-up today. I thought you were about to do a pick-off move over

there when we were starting the show. I was like, whoa, whoa. I started, I started way back because I was, I recognized that I was, I was in too much of a hurry to get this fantastically wonderful radio show going.

Watch your pitch clock. So I had to step back a little further. I had to watch the pitch clock and make sure that the lips met microphone

at the most opportune time. And I appreciate it. I feel like you're giving me a little round of

applause there. I feel like you're giving me the flowers. Feel like you're tipping your cap to me.

Listen, if I were a runner on base, I would have known what to do. I would have been picked off quickly because I wouldn't have taken off towards second.

Don't mess with me.

...