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Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

Live from the heart of Atlanta, Georgia, and beyond, hour one of the Von Hesler Doctrine

begin.

Right now.

I am your lovable, huggable, radio chat host, Eric Von Hessler.

The other voices you hear are the doctrinairs. huggable radio chat host Eric von Hessler.

The other voices you hear are the doctrinares, man of a thousand voices,

Tim Andrews, lady of 184.7 characters, Autumn Fisher, the man behind the glass, George Clark, and the handsomest producer in all of

producery, Jared Yamamoto.

I have so many celebrity birthdays for you today, Eric.

It's unbelievable.

This might take the full first segment.

Well, here's the beauty of the maths, the maths that are involved.

Ooh, so British of you.

Yes, the maths that are involved in having a plethora of celebrity birthdays in one day is lucky for the audience.

It means that they all cancel one or another out.

It's like matter and antimatter hitting one another, so it's as if there are no celebrity birthdays,

which means you don't have to sit through a minute or two of a host filling a show

because he has nothing else to say by reminding you that it's so-and-so's birthday.

And you know what? Who really cares?

...