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Rose Pricks: A Bachelor Roast

The Valley: S2 E13 (part 1): Captain Douchebag

Rose Pricks: A Bachelor Roast

Stefanie Taylor

After Shows, Tv & Film, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.41.7K Ratings

🗓️ 9 July 2025

⏱️ 52 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The gang is still in Hawaii but it's no vacation. We honestly can't figure out who is more horrible and who is more annoying. 

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Transcript

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0:00.0

The weather. Tomorrow, expect a... Biting cold front. Mmm, how naughty. I wonder what I'll be wearing or taking off. The night will be wild and untamed. Expect heavy, lashing rain that'll soak you to the skin. By Monday, temperatures will rise, slowly but surely, reaching their peak in the afternoon.

0:23.0

Not in the mood for miserable weather?

0:25.8

Fly cheaply to Turkey with Sun Express.

0:28.6

Sun Express, non-stop sunshine.

0:34.8

Oh.

0:45.2

Oh. Oh. What's up everybody?

0:47.9

Welcome to Rose Pricks.

0:48.9

It's the Valley.

0:51.2

When is this show going to be done?

0:54.6

I mean, like, honestly, this is starting to feel like,

1:00.9

what was the thing, 90 day, the other way or whatever. Yes, 90 day. Paradise. Well, that was,

1:05.7

we handled paradise pretty well, but it was the other way. That's when we met, um, our friend Sarpur who we love so much. We became very, very close to Sarpur. We're very tight. We love Sarper.

1:12.9

We changed our minds on Sarper, but the other way was also beautiful brown ice.

1:18.7

Beautiful brown. He has, that was a different one though. That was that was that was Paradise. That was the one where the guy was like the sperm donor. That wasn't the same one. Paradise was Sarpur.

1:30.3

Sarper was no. That was, I believe, the other way because she was going to Turkey. It's a whole thing.

1:35.1

I promise. And sadly, I know this because there were like 95 episodes of that one season.

1:40.4

And we were like, we literally did that show for six months. And I'm not even joking.

1:45.7

It was six months of our life doing a recap of a show that I don't think anybody was watching,

1:51.6

really. They certainly weren't listening to our recaps. The thing is like once you get into something,

1:56.9

you're kind of, you're trapped. That's, you know, they trap you in there. We don't have to be.

2:01.3

We don't, here's the thing. We're going to finish out the valley because, you know, we can't

2:05.1

have that much longer to go. It's a couple more episodes. We're, we're nearing an end here.

...

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