The unbearable fear of being cheated on
It's Been a Minute
NPR
4.7 • 9.2K Ratings
🗓️ 18 March 2026
⏱️ 17 minutes
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Summary
For example, there are apps and social media groups dedicated to outing a cheater. But what if that paranoia about cheating is actually hurting our relationships? And on top of that, definitions of "cheating" vary widely. How do you decide for yourself what really counts as cheating? And what's really fueling our fear of being cheated on?
Brittany is joined by Kathryn Jezer-Morton, writer of the Brooding column from The Cut, and Shannon Keating, freelance culture journalist, to get to the bottom of why fear of infidelity haunts our culture and our dating lives.
Want more about modern dating? Check out these episodes:
The embarassing truth of dating men
Is he a good guy? Or is he manipulating you?
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | According to YouGov, one in five people admit to snooping through their partner's phones. |
| 0:06.5 | And even more shockingly, 77% of people believe partners should have either access upon request or unlimited access to their partner's phones. |
| 0:17.5 | I think that's fair to say that being cheated on has always been a fear that people have in relationships, but do you think that distrust has increased? |
| 0:24.7 | Yes. I really do. And I think it is related to the general use of surveillance technology |
| 0:31.8 | in our lives. It becomes kind of this environment, like a weather system of distrust. |
| 0:42.3 | Hello, hello. |
| 0:43.8 | I'm Brittany Luce, and you're listening to It's Been a Minute from NPR, |
| 0:47.5 | a show about what's going on in culture and why it doesn't happen by accident. |
| 1:00.2 | Thank you. and why it doesn't happen by accident. Okay, so I know you both saw the quick rise and fall of the T app. |
| 1:05.7 | For those who missed it, what was the app's original purpose? |
| 1:09.9 | Basically, alerting people to instances where their partners may be cheating out in the world. |
| 1:16.3 | Yeah, I would say it's kind of a more formalized version of different online groups that we've seen, you know, like, are we dating the same guy, Facebook groups? |
| 1:24.5 | This is kind of like the next progression. Yes. According to the T-App website, the app was meant to, quote, give women the tools they need |
| 1:32.7 | to date safely in a world that often overlooks their protection, end quote. |
| 1:37.1 | Kind of like a digital whisper network that warned users about men, from goasters to cheaters |
| 1:41.9 | to abusers. |
| 1:42.6 | I don't think it's just me who noticed that the fear of cheating and cheaters is looming |
| 1:48.4 | larger than ever in our dating lives. |
| 1:50.3 | You don't get the popularity of the T app without it. |
| 1:53.9 | We are obsessed with cheating and catching cheaters from Scanderval to Tri-Gy's to Coldplaygate. |
| 2:00.2 | It feels like we can't go even a few |
| 2:02.0 | months without a massive cheating scandal. It's like cheating never dies. And being cheated on |
... |
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