The Truth About Raising Securely Attached Kids: What Most Parents Get Wrong

The PedsDocTalk Podcast: Child Health, Development & Parenting—From a Pediatrician Mom

Dr. Mona Amin

Medicine, Kids & Family, Health & Fitness, Parenting

4.9 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 19 November 2025

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What does it really mean to raise securely attached kids? I first came across Eli Harwood’s book Raising Securely Attached Kids on a solo trip, and it completely re-energized how I think about connection and parenting. Her words reminded me that so much of raising emotionally healthy kids starts with how we show up, not how perfect we are. It is now one of my most favorite parenting books out there. On today’s episode, Eli and I talk about the real meaning of secure attachment, how it shows up in everyday moments, and why so many of us misunderstand it. She shares her own story of growing up with a cycle-breaking mom, how that shaped her work, and the lessons she now passes on to parents everywhere. We discuss: ✔️ What secure attachment actually means in daily life ✔️ The four main attachment styles and how they develop ✔️ How to tell if your child feels emotionally safe with you ✔️ Why repair after conflict is one of the most powerful parenting tools ✔️ How to build lasting connection through small, consistent moments To connect with Eli Harwood follow her on Instagram @theattachmentnerd, check out all her resources at https://attachmentnerd.com/ and purchase her books here: https://attachmentnerd.com/books Upcoming mother daughter journal “Uniquely Us” https://attachmentnerd.com/books/uniquely-us Upcoming encyclopedia style book called “How to Deal With Your ____ so Your Kids Don’t Have To” created to help parents develop healthy emotional patterns! https://attachmentnerd.com/books/how-to-deal-with-your-so-your-kids-dont-have-to EMDR Podcast Episode: https://pedsdoctalk.com/podcast/trauma-therapy-why-you-may-need-emdr/ 0:00 What Secure Attachment Really Is 1:00 Why One Safe Caregiver Changes Everything 1:58 How Dr. Mona Found Eli Harwood 3:12 Eli’s Story and Becoming Attachment Nerd 7:58 How Attachment Theory Shapes Family Patterns 10:12 Why Connection and Communication Matter 12:18 What Secure Attachment Looks Like Day to Day 19:39 The Four Attachment Styles Explained 30:13 How To Tell If Your Child Feels Emotionally Safe 32:35 Real-Life Parenting Mistakes and Repair 37:59 Four Daily Habits That Build Secure Attachment 42:56 Listening, Feedback, and Emotional Language 43:55 Repairing After Messy Moments 50:24 Final Takeaways and Where To Learn More Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and ⁠subscribe to PedsDocTalk⁠. Get trusted pediatric advice, relatable parenting insights, and evidence-based tips delivered straight to your inbox—join thousands of parents who rely on the PDT newsletter to stay informed, supported, and confident. ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠! And don’t forget to follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠@pedsdoctalkpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ on Instagram—our new space just for parents looking for real talk and real support. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the ⁠PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships⁠ page of the website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	building deeply trusting positive relationships with our children.
0:04.5	So when a child feels that they can emotionally rely on their caregiver,
0:10.3	my caregiver is there for me.
0:13.0	You know, I can go to my mom when things are tender, crusty, overwhelming,
0:18.0	when I feel shame, when I'm stuck. That sense of trust between a parent and a child,
0:24.9	we have seen from tons of research, lots of longitudinal studies, replicated studies,
0:31.2	which you know as a doctor is a just very important part of science. We know that when a child has at least one parent in their life, one caregiver, that they
0:43.3	trust to be there for them in those tender and distressing moments, it actually has a
0:49.7	protective trajectory in their life.
0:58.2	Thank you. protective trajectory in their life. Welcome back to the show. It's me, Dr. Mona, your online pediatrician, mom friend,
1:03.1	and you all ask me all the time what my favorite parenting books are. I love the
1:08.7	whole brain child and my nightstand is stacked with more
1:11.6	books that I'm making my way through. But one of my absolute top favorites right now that I
1:16.3	actually did finish is raising securely attached kids by Eli Harwood, who you probably know as
1:22.0	at attachment nerd. When Eli said yes to coming on the podcast, I completely fan-gourled.
1:27.8	Like, what do you even do when one of your favorite parenting authors says yes?
1:31.9	You just squeal a little and hit record.
1:34.6	Eli is a licensed therapist, Mama 3, and the creator of attachment nerd, where she
1:38.0	helps parents understand how our early attachment shapes everything, how we parent, how we love,
1:44.0	how we handle conflict, and even
1:45.5	how we show up in the world. She's funny, warm, and so good at making deep psychology actually
1:51.3	make sense in everyday life. Now, I do want to say this. I don't agree with every single thing in her
	...

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