Hello folks, I'm not going to be in a good mood today. I want to give that off my chest immediately and I'm warning you all I'm having a hard time.

Ron, those are the notes for that episode today.

Carolina, the worst thing that could ever happen to a person has happened to me and I'm not being dramatic, okay?

And I'm saying that in advance for any listeners who think, oh Ron, so dramatic, a man who looks like that probably just drinks scotch and sits poolside with Tatum O'Neal.

No, I'm a real man folks with a real blood red heart that can crack at the slightest touch.

And last night I spilled hot tea on myself and no, that's not it. It gets worse.

You see, so I spilled the tea and then I sat down to watch the cinematic treasure hunt I go on every night the antique roadshow, but backstair had taped over it.

Rule number one, don't leave my dog backstair the remote. He likes late night HBO and he's not scared to record it. He's completely stopped even considering that I'll see it.

Is that it? So you spilled?

I'm not done. This is what I'm talking about. You're ready to call me dramatic. It's on the tip of your tongue.

No, I was going to say, what a rough night you spilled tea in your dog, recorded porn.

Okay, that's not even the half of its sister. Listen, you remember when I told you that great date I went on. It was about two days ago.

It was with an old flame. Come on. Thank you, Carolina.

I know what you're talking. Of course I remember you just said you had drinks with Diana Ross and that it was none of my business.

Exactly. Two nights ago, I had drinks with Diana Ross. My princess die at the sportsman's lodge.

We sang some tunes. We reminisced on nights at the cabana. I tried to hold her hand and she said, please don't touch me. I said, all right.

Things were going well. And then I left my number on a napkin. I kissed the napkin and handed it to her and shagged at home.

Now, what do you think of that napkin move? Pretty breezy, don't you think?

It's actually something women usually do. They usually write their number on a napkin and then kiss it if they ring lipstick to leave a mark.

Anyway, after I left, I waited for her call, right? One Mississippi, two Mississippi.

And then I tried her on her house phone and I left her some voicemails. I left her three voicemails for each hour that we were apart for good luck.

Oh my god.

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