The texts after the breakup: When breadcrumbing keeps you from reaching closure
Love and Abuse
Paul Colaianni
4.6 • 816 Ratings
🗓️ 12 March 2019
⏱️ 15 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Some people have a strange way of showing they care by sending you small messages out of the blue to get you to think about them. In reality, this is a manipulative tactic to make sure you never get them out of your mind. Breadcrumbing can happen for many reasons, but the main two reasons are:
1. The person wants to keep you as a hookup for sex
2. The person wants to make sure you can't stop thinking about them for some narcissistic high.
A sex-only relationship can be maintained if both are very clear that it's only about sex and not about getting into a relationship, and as long as there are no hurt feelings.
But if the manipulative person is continually making you think of them through messages and texts knowing that you want to be in a relationship with them, but they have no intention of committing to one with you, you are being could be being led down a painful road of hope and disappointment.
Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to Love and Abuse, the show about helping you identify poisonous communication and toxic behavior. |
| 0:07.4 | You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. |
| 0:10.9 | That's why it's important that you learn to pinpoint manipulative and controlling behavior so that you keep your power and your sanity. |
| 0:18.6 | I'm your host, Paul Koliani. |
| 0:31.5 | Music power and your sanity. I'm your host, Paul Koliani. All right, today I want to help you avoid a ridiculous game that some people will play. |
| 0:37.0 | And it typically happens, I don't know while you're |
| 0:40.8 | breaking up or after the breakup if you're in a relationship this this is mostly with romantic |
| 0:47.4 | relationships when you are with someone for a while and then you move on, somebody might do something called breadcrumbing |
| 0:56.7 | to you. And this can happen outside of romantic relationships as well, but it's a manipulation tactic. |
| 1:03.7 | It's a way to influence you to continue thinking about the person so that they have some level of control of your life. |
| 1:13.6 | And this might be someone who doesn't even want you back, but they want to be able to keep |
| 1:19.2 | you thinking about them. So you could be just getting over them, just getting to the point |
| 1:23.7 | where you're feeling good in yourself, and then suddenly you get a text. |
| 1:28.8 | And it says, hey, how you doing? |
| 1:30.7 | It's completely unrelated to the breakup. |
| 1:33.5 | It's completely unrelated to the problems that you experienced. |
| 1:36.9 | It's just, hey, how's it going? |
| 1:39.3 | It's a very non sequitur to get. |
| 1:41.3 | It just happens out of the blue and it's almost as if they know you're |
| 1:47.8 | starting to heal. You're starting to get over them or have gotten over them. I remember this |
| 1:53.1 | happened when I was married. My wife would receive these messages every now and then from her ex. |
| 1:59.6 | And one of them was a happy birthday. |
... |
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