The Sunday Read: 'Man to Man'

The Daily

The New York Times

Daily News, News

4.4 • 102.8K Ratings

🗓️ 22 November 2020

⏱️ 86 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

For years, Wil S. Hylton had been drawn to his cousin’s strength and violence. He was pulled in by the archetype that he embodied and was envious of the power he seemed to command. Wil describes his relative’s violence as “ambient” and “endemic,” but he was sure it wouldn’t turn on him. Until a few years ago, when his cousin tried to kill him. “My attraction to my cousin and my detachment as a husband both reside in the pantheon of male tropes,” he wrote. “Masculinity is a religion. It’s a compendium of saints: the vaunted patriarch, the taciturn cowboy, the errant knight, the reluctant hero, the gentle giant and omniscient father.” On today’s Sunday Read, Wil’s wide-ranging exploration of masculinity. This story was written by Wil S. Hylton and recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Transcript

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0:00.0	A few years ago, my cousin tried to kill me.
0:04.3	When people ask why I don't know what to say.
0:08.0	Usually, I mumble that he didn't have a reason.
0:11.5	I say that he didn't even think he had a reason.
0:14.8	We had no argument that day or any other in 40 years.
0:20.9	I say that we didn't think of each other merely as cousins.
0:24.4	We were best friends.
0:26.3	We spoke for hours every week, often late at night,
0:29.6	squinting through the portal of a video chat
0:32.8	to exchange complaints about our lives
0:35.5	and show off household projects.
0:39.0	I say that we had been planning for months
0:41.3	to get together that weekend.
0:42.8	We'd organized a family reunion at his house.
0:47.5	My son and I were staying in his guest room
0:49.9	while a swarm of aunts and uncles and cousins
0:53.5	spilled into a nearby hotel.
0:55.5	I had spent the day with them watching our kids play
0:59.9	in the hotel pool, but everyone was planning to gather
1:03.2	back at my cousin's house for a party that evening.
1:05.5	I say that none of our relatives knew there was conflict
1:10.4	between my cousin and me, neither did I, and neither did he.
	...

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