The story of my life, a brief version.

The story of my life, a brief version. My bio, in 100 words, is as follows. My parents were in love

with each other, had six kids. I was third, an invisible child. I had no interest in crashing into people,

so I didn't play football or hockey. I avoided brain damage. I dabbled in poetry,

and when I was 14, I read A.J. Liebling and decided to be a writer.

I went into radio, which requires no special skill, and I took the sunrise shift, which turned me toward comedy.

Listeners don't want grievous, introspective reflections at 5 a.m.

I told stories for 40 years, and I still do.

And I married well on the third try.

And there you have it. Perseverance, not brilliant. And I married well on the third try.

And there you have it.

Perseverance, not brilliance, it's the key.

I walk out on stage, the audience assumes it's the janitor.

I have no stage fright because my vision is so poor, I don't notice them looking at me.

They pity that old man on stage, but I'm holding a microphone, and that's the advantage.

When I hum, they hum with me, and we all sing, my country, tis of these, Sweet Land of Liberty, and they're amazed

by how good it sounds, and the audience entertains itself.

I'm lucky when it comes right down to it.

Last Monday, after seeing my cardiologist, I stopped at an Italian cafe for a big plate

of sausage lasagna, and in my fascination with a nearby conversation between several surgeons,

I forgot my hand-corrected book manuscript on the table on the east side

of Manhattan.

...