This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

Cool Zone Media.

I was lingering outside the courthouse for no reason in particular, one morning in April a few years ago.

Normally, I had straight home to organize my notes.

If the day had a weird energy,

maybe I'll walk a few blocks in the wrong direction

to make sure no one's followed me to my car.

The swastika-shaped scars on the trees outside my living room window

are a reminder of a lesson learned the hard way.

But that morning, I sat on the bench outside for a minute,

and I met one of my weird little guys.

I hadn't planned to.

I didn't want to.

The type of research I do does not include asking them for their side of the story.

But there he was. I knew who he was. I'd written about him before. I was there that morning for his first appearance in court on a felony charge, and I had already spent years leading up to that moment scouring footage of the crime in

question, finding his face in the crowd, and identifying dozens of others. And he knew who I was.

I knew that, because I'd heard his podcast,

a short-lived production that included some very graphic descriptions

of rape and torture fantasies his friends had about me.

So I hadn't planned on chatting.

And yet there I was, extending my hand, offering him a lighter.

I'm not too proud to admit I'd been afraid.

...