meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
Therapy in a Nutshell

The Sneaky Mental Rule that Lets your Emotions Control You

Therapy in a Nutshell

Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam

Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Education, Health & Fitness:mental Health, Self-improvement

4.8657 Ratings

🗓️ 24 April 2025

⏱️ 11 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Learn the skills to Regulate your Emotions, join the membership: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership So many of us have picked up messaging that emotions are negative or embarrassing, that they need to be controlled, that crying is shameful. We’ve internalized a mental rule that says something like, “I don’t let myself feel so-called “negative” emotions, because that makes me weak.” And then, in trying to not have feelings, we accidentally let them control us. You can influence your feelings by how you think, how you act, and the choices you make. But if you have a rule that “you have to control your emotions” it doesn’t leave you with many options other than avoidance. Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapyinanutshell.com Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books  Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is the Therapy in a Nutshell podcast. I'm Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

0:06.0

These episodes are filled with research-backed therapeutic education that you can start applying in your life today.

0:12.0

I hope you find today's episode beneficial, and if you know of someone who could benefit from this podcast, please don't hesitate to share it.

0:19.0

Let's work together and share tools everyone can

0:21.9

use to help deal with the difficult mental health struggles they're going through. Each podcast

0:27.0

episode comes from a corresponding video. You can find them on the Therapy in a Nutshell YouTube

0:32.4

channel. Also, these podcasts are educational and don't replace the advice or direction you may be receiving from a therapist or other health professionals.

0:43.3

Please enjoy the episode.

0:45.3

Here's the sneaky mental rule that lets your emotions control you.

0:48.3

I heard a man say that in 30 years he never missed watching a BYU football game with his dad, but his father died two years ago and he said,

0:57.0

I haven't been able to get myself to go since then. And as I listened, I realized that what he really meant was,

1:03.0

I haven't been able to go without feeling something or because I might cry. And he has this sneaky mental rule that says,

1:13.5

you have to control your emotions.

1:16.6

And this makes sense, right?

1:17.8

He's a 60-something-year-old man.

1:19.3

He grew up in a conservative rural town.

1:22.3

He was probably trained from a young age that boys don't cry

1:26.7

and that having emotions or even worse

1:29.3

showing emotions was a sign of weakness or a sign that you're failing to control yourself.

1:35.3

And I'm not saying it's better to let your emotions control you either. Hang with me for a minute, right?

1:40.3

So he's a good man who tries to live right, so he followed that mental rule that basically implies

1:46.7

you shouldn't do something if it makes you feel or express and negative emotion. Showing emotions

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.