The Skill No One Teaches Us About Love | Baya Voce

The Dr. Hyman Show

Dr. Mark Hyman

Medicine, Health & Fitness, Nutrition

4.5 • 9.1K Ratings

🗓️ 18 March 2026

⏱️ 82 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Falling in love can be easy. Staying connected when conflict and stress show up is where the real work begins. On this episode of The Dr. Hyman Show, I sit down with relationship repair expert Baya Voce to explore why healthy relationships aren’t defined by the absence of conflict, but by the ability to repair and reconnect—and why repair depends as much on nervous system regulation as communication. Watch the full conversation on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Here’s what we unpack: • Why conflict isn’t the real problem in relationships—and what actually keeps couples connected • What happens in the body during arguments, and why nervous system regulation matters more than the “right” words • How past relationship wounds and attachment patterns shape the way we react during conflict • Practical ways couples can repair after conflict and reconnect more quickly When couples learn how to repair after conflict, even difficult moments can become opportunities for deeper connection and growth. View Show Notes From This Episode Get Free Weekly Health Tips from Dr. Hyman https://drhyman.com/pages/picks?utm_campaign=shownotes&utm_medium=banner&utm_source=podcast Sign Up for Dr. Hyman’s Weekly Longevity Journal https://drhyman.com/pages/longevity?utm_campaign=shownotes&utm_medium=banner&utm_source=podcast Join the 10-Day Detox to Reset Your Health https://drhyman.com/pages/10-day-detox Join the Hyman Hive for Expert Support and Real Results https://drhyman.com/pages/hyman-hive This episode is brought to you by PerfectAmino, BON CHARGE, Timeline, BIOptimizers, Maui Nui and Made In Cookware. Go to bodyhealth.com and use code HYMAN20 to get 20% off your first order. Upgrade your routine. Head to boncharge.com/hyman and use code HYMAN for 15% off. Receive 20% off a subscription at timeline.com/drhyman. Head to bioptimizers.com/hyman and use promo code HYMAN at checkout to save 15%. Learn more about the health benefits of venison and how to get yours, head over to mauinuivenison.com/hyman. Head to madeincookware.com and use the code DRHYMAN for 10% off your order. (0:00) Falling in love vs. staying in love (0:31) Healthy conflict and relationship dynamics (1:22) Introduction to Baya Voce and modern relationship evolution (3:15) High expectations and the virtual culture's impact on relationships (8:25) The importance of relationship models and repair mechanisms (10:12) Exploring the stages of a relationship (18:17) Dealing with past relationship baggage (24:08) Training the nervous system for conflict resolution (28:26) Recognizing physiological cues in relationships (31:05) Breathwork and physiological regulation techniques (32:39) Psychedelic therapy's influence on relationships (34:20) Effective listening and differentiation in partnerships (38:10) The power of repair and accepting influence (41:49) Fostering curiosity and perspective in understanding partners (47:20) Setting boundaries for healthy relationships (51:24) Embracing subjective truths within relationships (54:42) Relationships as a means for personal growth (57:06) Navigating the stages of relationships (1:00:22) Exercises for building resilience in partnerships (1:01:51) The role of honesty and weekly practices for relationship health (1:03:25) Communication techniques for relationship maintenance (1:04:00) Reframing relationships through growth and evolution (1:04:56) Psychedelic-assisted couples therapy and MDMA research (1:09:38) Enhancing relationships with meditation and psychedelics (1:11:08) Introduction to The Repair Lab web app

Transcript

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0:00.0	We're taught how to fall in love, but not how to stay there.
0:02.8	We've grown up on a diet of Hollywood rom-coms and Disney, so you see kind of hashtag couple goals online,
0:10.2	and it just doesn't map on to your internal experience.
0:12.9	We think that relationships should be going to the spot, but healthy relationships feel way more like going to the gym.
0:19.4	We have this fantasy world, and there's a a reality world and they don't match up.
0:22.6	And so we end up being disappointed, dissolution, discouraged, frustrated and actually don't
0:26.7	know how to navigate through the landscape of relationship to have a fulfilling, happy
0:30.6	partnership.
0:31.6	The goal of healthy relationships is not to fight less.
0:34.0	If a couple comes into my office and they never fight. I am always more concerned. Conflict in
0:38.7	relationships is healthy. The problem gets to be where if we're going to hyperarousal or hypo arousal,
0:44.0	we've lost choice. How I think about repair actually, like what is repair, is the ability to
0:49.2	have choice. But when we're hijacked, we don't. Bea Voce is a relationship repair expert with a master's degree from Columbia University,
0:56.8	whose work helping couples reconnect after conflict and disconnect has reached millions,
1:01.9	including through her widely viewed TEDx talk on loneliness.
1:05.4	Repair is actually not first and foremost a communication skill.
1:08.7	Repair is a capacity skill.
1:17.7	Music first and foremost a communication skill. Repair is a capacity skill. People often ask me what I take first thing in the morning, especially on days I'm training or traveling. My answer is simple,
1:21.9	perfect amino. It's one of the few supplements I take on an empty stomach, and it's become a non-negotiable
1:26.5	part of my morning routine.
1:27.8	Whole food proteins are essential. I would never replace them but for building and repairing
1:31.6	muscles, supporting hormones, immune cells and neurotransmitters, your body needs all essential
	...

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