The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Pushkin Industries

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 14.6K Ratings

🗓️ 6 September 2022

⏱️ 32 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Loneliness is a far more common and far more serious problem than we think. It affects one in five Americans, and takes a toll on our bodies and minds. To thrive we need to several types of social interactions - both casual and more intimate.

With the help of US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy; Harvard Divinity School fellow Casper ter Kuile; and friendship expert Marisa Franco; Dr Laurie Santos looks at how loneliness might be affecting you or someone you know, and what science-back steps you can take to increase your circle of friends.

For further reading:

Vivek Murthy - Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World.

Marisa Franco - Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends as an Adult.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Pushkin
0:17.0	It's Miami in the 1980s inside a local elementary school.
0:22.0	And one of the students, Vivek, is feeling out of place.
0:26.0	He's new to the city, new to the country even, and he's experiencing something that many of us are at least a little familiar with.
0:33.0	Vivek is feeling lonely.
0:36.0	Experiencing loneliness had to do with shyness.
0:39.0	I was actually not deeply introverted.
0:41.0	I wanted to spend time with other people, but I was really shy and I had a hard time making friends.
0:46.0	Young Vivek lived in the shadow of that loneliness.
0:49.0	The school yard, his home room and lunch tables may have been bustling.
0:52.0	But no one seemed to stop to get to know the shy young boy in their midst.
0:56.0	Going to school each day was stressful.
0:58.0	I was always worried about cafeteria at lunchtime and sitting alone.
1:01.0	I was worried about what would happen in the playground when people were choosing teams.
1:05.0	And I was worried that I might be chosen last, even though I had good athletic ability.
1:08.0	But I just didn't have a lot of close friendships with people.
1:11.0	Vivek's feelings of sadness and isolation extended beyond the school day.
1:15.0	He went home to a supportive family, but he held his loneliness closely.
1:19.0	It was his secret, his biggest source of shame.
1:22.0	It was something he wasn't willing to share with anyone.
1:25.0	I was in Paris.
1:26.0	I didn't want it to seem like I was somehow deficient in some way or unable to interact with people.
	...

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