The Secret to Leaving vs. Staying with your alcoholic husband
Love Over Addiction
Michelle Anderson
4.8 • 1.5K Ratings
🗓️ 26 September 2016
⏱️ 5 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Are you feeling trapped in your marriage with an alcoholic or substance abuser?
You love him or her, so you want to stay in this relationship. But you're angry, confused, and feeling hopeless.
You don't know how much more you can take.
Have you ever threatened to leave your loved one because you want to scare him or her into getting sober? (this almost never works for long-term sobriety, so no need to try)
The idea of leaving breaks your heart and you don't see a way out.
You cling to the good person you fell in love with. You need the best version of him or her.
On the days you lose hope that your partner will ever get sober for good, you may secretly entertain the idea of leaving.
But how would you support yourself? Where would you go? Will your children blame you for breaking apart the family? What would your family think? What would God think?
It's not simple, is it? It's complicated and messy.
But I'm here to remind you sweet friend:
You don't need to make up your mind to leave or stay today.
Forgive yourself for staying and remember you reserve the right to change your mind tomorrow.
Surrender the decision and trust the process. You'll know if it's time to leave.
You're not trapped - you're just not ready to make the decision yet.
In the meantime, you need to get started working on your program.
You know I'm always going to be honest with you because I teach from experience.
And here's the loving truth: you're sick too. This disease has done some serious damage to you.
So, let's focus on getting you repaired and recovered. Let's commit to working your program.
And I used the word "work" intentionally. Feeling better takes commitment.
We need to commit to prayer, to self-care, and to being willing and open to change.
Listen to our free podcast, read our helpful tips, and join one of our programs. They are entirely online, so your confidentiality is always protected and there is no child care to line up. Plus, you have lifetime access.
No matter where you decided to get the help and answers you need, you're a loving thoughtful wife who needs to feel better about herself before she can make the decision to leave or stay.
By doing the work, you will no longer feel threatened or stuck. You can stay because you choose to stay. You can leave if you feel it's time because you will be strong enough to make that decision.
I hope to "meet" you inside one of our programs.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | You're listening to the marriage to an alcoholic or substance abuser? You love him so you want to stay in this relationship. |
| 0:25.6 | But you're angry, confused, and feeling hopeless. You don't know how much more of this you can take. Have you ever |
| 0:35.9 | threatened to leave him because you want to scare him into getting sober? |
| 0:40.1 | Don't worry, there's no judgment here. I used to do the exact same thing. |
| 0:46.0 | But it usually never works for long-term sobriety, |
| 0:51.0 | so there's really no need to do that anymore. The idea of leaving breaks your heart and you don't see a way out. |
| 1:00.0 | You cling with all of your might to the good man you fell in love with. |
| 1:06.0 | You need the best version of him. |
| 1:09.0 | On the days you lose hope that he'll ever get sober for good, you may secretly entertain the idea |
| 1:16.4 | of leaving. But then you start to think, okay, how would I support myself? Where would I go? Will my children blame me for breaking apart the family? |
| 1:29.1 | What would my family think? What would my mom or my dad or my friends think? What would |
| 1:35.3 | God think? It's really not simple is it? It's complicated and it's messy and I've been through it all of it and I'm here to remind you my sweet |
| 1:48.1 | Wonderful friend you don't need to make up your mind to leave or to stay today. |
| 1:55.8 | Forgive yourself for staying and remember you reserve the right to change your mind tomorrow. |
| 2:03.0 | Surrender the decision and trust the process. |
| 2:07.0 | Trust that you are in this relationship right now |
| 2:11.0 | and you are not choosing to leave and you are not choosing to stay |
| 2:15.2 | because there are lessons that you need to learn. I promise you you will know if |
| 2:21.8 | it's time to leave and I talk much much more about that in the |
| 2:26.2 | love over addiction program and how I came to that decision but I want you to know |
| 2:31.4 | that you're not trapped you're not trapped. |
| 2:33.4 | You're not. You're just not ready to make the decision yet. |
... |
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