Hello, betwixters. If you are in a public place or if you're listening to this podcast in your earphones or if you're around sensitive pets, you might want to turn the volume down for the next 30 seconds or so. Ready? Okay. Oh my God! We did it! We did it! We actually did it! We won! We won listeners choice awards in the British podcast awards. Oh my God,

you absolute maniacs. We did it. Oh, thank you so, so, so much to everybody who voted.

This isn't like other kinds of awards where people say,

thank you for listening and they don't really mean it. We really, really mean it because if you hadn't voted, this wouldn't have happened. Oh, you absolute legends. Thank you.

And thank you so much to everyone who works on Betwixt as well, because it isn't just me.

I have an amazing team behind me. And if it wasn't for them, it's just a mad northern woman talking to herself into a microphone that's probably not turned on it anyway.

So from the bottom of my heart and from the team's heart, thank you so much. This is a huge

honour and we are all absolutely thrilled.

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Hello, my lovely betwixters. It's me, Kate Lister. You are you, I am me, and this is betwixtor sheets. So if you've wandered into the wrong podcast, now is your time to get out without disturbing everybody else. Have they gone? Right. Okay, dedicated betwixters. You know the drill by now. I do have to tell you, this is an adult podcast, spoken by adults, other adults about adulty things and an adulty way of and conventional subjects and you should be an adult too. Oh my God, I do have to tell you, this is an adult podcast, spoken by adults, to other adults, about adulty things and an adult way covering a range of all the subjects, and you should be an adult too.

Oh my God, I feel so much safer. Right on with the show.

Hello, betwixters. Once again, I find myself lurking in a royal boudoir, one of my favourite historical hunting grounds.

I know, I know, I probably should just leave them to it, but I do have to find out all the gossip for you, don't I?

This time I'm in 16th century France, and even though I am discreetly hidden behind a curtain across the room

in the royal bed with King Henry II is his wife, Catherine de Medici, a formidable woman in her own

right. Honestly, you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her. And Henry's mistress is there too,

...