Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.

The show is about to begin.

I am so viscerally afraid of accidentally texting the chief of police.

Kind of weird, that's all she wrote.

You are in my thoughts and prayers in perpetuity.

Now mind you, I don't even have the chief of police's phone number, and why would I?

Hello everyone and welcome to monologing. I'm Mads Mitch. I am your host today and always because

well, quite frankly, this is literally my podcast. So who else is going to host it? Happy freaking Monday.

I hope you had a fabulous weekend. I hope you're feeling well rested and rejuvenated and ready to

tackle whatever life might throw at you this week. And I don't think that that's asking too much of your favorite podcast host. It is an honor and a privilege to welcome you to the

inaugural monologing Monday of many, many more Mondays to come. If you're brand new to the podcast,

if this is your first ever episode, if this is your first little foray into long form oration

a la me, welcome. Thank you you i'm flattered i'm so

happy you're here i hope you enjoy this week's episode and if you don't that's a fabulous piece of

information to keep to yourself moving forward um if you're a returning listener if you're a former

listener of parched car convos i missed you. Thank you so much for being

here. Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed your brief little two-week respite from hearing my voice,

grace your ears, presence on Monday mornings. I hope you enjoyed the peace and quiet, but fret not,

because I am back and I am ready to monologue, which brings me actually to the biggest of all of

the elephants in all of the rooms. I renamed the podcast. Oops. So if you're feeling kind of like

desperately confused right now, let me catch you up. Let me get you up to speed so we can

proceed into the episode. I've made some changes and the biggest one being the actual title of the podcast

...