Hey everyone. A boy lives forever, sees everyone around him die, falls in love with a way younger girl, and then watches her sleep. It was cuter when it was the plot of Wally. Today is our Roast of Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. Hold on tight, Spider-Monkeys.

I'm Kellanerska, and I'm a comic and the father of a 17-year-old girl. So I read this book very differently this time around.

And I'm David Vance. I'm horrified by how many preteen girls must have read this book and been like,

oh, so this is love. Twilight follows Edward Cullen and his vampire family, all born between the 16 and early 1900s,

which explains why none of them is like, dude, she's 17.

And this is the bookpile.

So a quick reminder to please rate and review the bookpile.

If you do, we will belittle and control you, because apparently that's what love is.

Macho Wing said, I started listening to this while at the gym and almost dropped a lethal

amount of metal on my clavicle because I couldn't keep from laughing.

That's awesome.

And I also want to know what joke I said that made him do that.

So feel free to email us, Mo Wings, at the bookpile

podcast at gmail.com. Seriously, I need to know. If you like the neediness of that response,

then you're going to love this book. So before we get into this, I first want to express that I do recognize that Twilight is an

easy target like Justin Bieber or Nickelback or other Canadian musicians.

I also do not fault Stephanie Meyer for committing the time to write a novel she was proud of, and it's being enormously

successful. It can be easy to make fun of something that's globally popular, but I would sell out

in a minute to write a teen romance novel if I were guaranteed to make $120 million. That's what

Google told me about Myers' net worth. Wow. It's like she's her own

industry. That's a crazy number. And what she sells is delusion. I also admit that I enjoyed this

book when it came out. I read it when I was 22. I had no idea what it was

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