Music Welcome to Snewscast, the podcast designed to help you fall asleep. Find us at snoozecast.com and if you enjoy our show, please share us with a friend. This episode is brought to you by Gold from Australia. Tonight we'll read from The Red House Mystery by AA Milne, published in 1922. This episode is dedicated to Kerry, who first recommended the author Milne us. It was mill's only mystery novel, and yet it was immensely popular. It falls into the locked room who done it category. This episode first aired in 2021. The setting is an English country house where Mark Ablet had been entertaining a house

park. 21. The setting is an English country house where Mark Ablett had been entertaining a house party. The black sheep of his family arrives from Australia and a mystery ensues. There is a preface to this book by the author that reads, My dear father, like all really nice people,

you have a weakness for detective stories,

and feel that there are not enough of them.

So, after all that you have done for me,

the least that I can do for you is to write you one.

Here it is.

With more gratitude and affection,

then I can well put down here. Let's get cozy. Close your eyes. your body into the softness of your bed. Now take a few deep breaths. Chapter 1 In the drowsy heat of the summer afternoon, the Red House was taking its siesta. There was a lazy murmur of bees in the flower borders, a gentle cooling of pigeons in the tops of the elms. From distant lawns came the whir of a mowing machine That most restful of all country sounds Making ease the sweeter in that it is taken while others are working. It was the hour when even those whose business it is to attend to the wants of others have a moment or two for themselves. In the housekeeper's room, Audrey Stevens, the pretty parlor maid, retrimmed her best hat and talked idly to her aunt, the cook housekeeper of Mr. Mark Ablet's bachelor home. For Joe said Mrs. Stevens placidly, her eye on the hat. Audrey nodded.

She took a pin from her mouth, found a place in the hat for it, and said, he likes a bit of pink. I don't say I mind a bit of pink myself," said her aunt. Joe Turner isn't the only one. It isn't everybody's color," said Audrey, holding the hat out at arm's length, and regarding it thoughtfully. Stylish, isn't it? Oh, it'll suit you all right, and it would have suited me at your age. Bit too dressy for me now. The wearing better than some other people, I dare say. I was never the one to pretend to be what I wasn't. If I'm 55, I'm 55, and that's what I say. 58, isn't it, Auntie? I was just giving that as an example," said Mrs. Stevens with great dignity. Audrey threaded a needle, held her hand out, and looked at her nails critically for a moment and then began to sew. Funny thing about that, Mr. Mark's brother, fancy not seeing your brother for 15 years, she gave a self-conscious laugh and went on. Wonder what I should do if I didn't see Joe for fifteen years. As I told you in this morning, said her aunt, I've been here five years and never heard of a brother. I could say that before everybody if I was going to die tomorrow. There's been no brother here while I've been here. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather when he spoke about him at breakfast this morning. I didn't hear what went before, naturally, but they was all talking about the brother when I went in. Now what was it I went in for? Hot milk was it? Or toast? Well, they was all talking. And Mr. Mark turns to me and says, you know his way. Stevens, he says. My brother is coming to see me this afternoon. I'm expecting him about three, he says. Show him into the office, he says, just like that. Yes, sir, I say quite quietly, but I was never so surprised in my life, not

knowing he had a brother. My brother from Australia, he says, there, I'd forgotten that, from Australia." Well, he may have been from Australia, said Mrs. Stevens judiciously.

I can't say for that, not knowing the country, but what I do say is he's never been here, not while I've been here, and that's five years. Well, but auntie, he hasn't been here for fifteen years. I heard Mr. Mark telling Mr. Cayley, fifteen years, he says. Mr. Cayley, having arsed him when his brother was last in England. Mr. Cayley knew of him. I heard him telling Mr. Beverly, but didn't know when he was

last in England's, see? So that's why he asked Mr. Mark. I'm not saying anything about fifteen years, Audrey. I can only speak for what I know, And that's five years, whits and tide.

I can take my oath, he's not set foot in this house since five years wits and tide. And if he's been in Australia, as you say, well, I dare say, he's at his reasons. What reasons said Audrey, lightly?

Never mind what reasons. What reasons?" said Audrey, lightly. Never mind what reasons. Being in the place of a mother to you since your poor mother died, I say this, Audrey. When a gentleman goes to Australia, he has his reasons. And when he stays in Australia 15 years, as Mr. Mark says, and as I know for myself for five years, he has his reasons. And a respectively brought up girl doesn't ask what reasons. into trouble, I suppose,' said Audrey, carelessly. They were saying at breakfast he'd been a wild one. Dets. I'm glad Joe isn't like that. He's got 15 pounds in the post office savings bank. Did I tell you? But there was not to be any more talk of Joe Turner that afternoon. The ringing of a bell brought Audrey to her feet. No longer Audrey, but now, Stevens, she arranged her cap in front of the glass. There, that's the front door, she said, that's him. Show him into the office, said Mr. Mark. I suppose he doesn't want the other ladies in gentlemen to see him.

Well, they're all out at their golf anyhow. Wonder if he's going to say. Perhaps he's brought back a lot of gold from Australia. I might hear something about Australia, because if anybody he can get gold there. Then I don't say but what Joe and I now now get on Audrey, just going darling. She went out. To anyone who had just walked down the drive in the August sun, the open door of the Red House revealed a delightfully inviting hall

of which even the mere sight was cooling. It was a big, low-roofed, oak-beamed place, with cream washed walls and diamond-pained windows, blue curtained. On the right and the left were doors leading into other living rooms, but on the side which faced you as you came in were windows again, looking on to a small grass court and from open windows to open windows such air as there was played gently. The staircase went up in broad, low steps along the right hand wall and turning to the left, led you along a gallery which ran across the width of the hall to your bedroom. That is, if you were going to stay the night. Mr. Robert, Ablet's intentions in this matter were as yet unknown. As Audrey came across the hall, she gave a little start, as she saw Mr. Cayley suddenly, sitting unobtrusively in a seat beneath one of the front windows, reading. No reason why he shouldn't be there, certainly a much cooler place than the Gulf lengths on such a day. But somehow there was a deserted air about the house that afternoon, as if all the guests were outside, or perhaps the wisest place of all, up in their bedrooms, sleeping. Mr. Kayley, the master's cousin, was a surprise, and, having given a little exclamation, as she came suddenly upon him, she blushed and said, oh, I beg your pardon, sir. I didn't see you at first. And he looked up from his book and smiled at her. An attractive smile, it was, on that big ugly face.

Such a gentleman, Mr. Cayley, she thought to herself as she went on and wondered what the master would do without him. If this brother, for instance, had to be bundled back to Australia, it was Mr. Kaley, who would do most of the bundling. So this is Mr. Robert, said Audrey to herself as she came inside of the visitor. She told her on afterwards that she would have known him anywhere for Mr. Mark's brother, but she would have said that in any event. Actually, she was surprised. Dapper little Mark, with his neat pointed beard and his carefully curled mustache. With his quick darting eyes, always moving from one to the other of any company he was in to register one more smile to his credit when he had said a good thing. One more expectant look when he was only waiting his turn to say it. He was a very different man from this rough looking, ill-dressed colonial, staring at her so loweringly. I want to see Mr. Mark Ablet. He growled. It sounded almost like a threat. Audrey recovered herself and smiled reassuringly at him. She had a smile for everybody. Yes, sir. He is expecting you if you will come this way. Oh, so you know who I am, eh?

Mr. Robert Ablett? Aye, that's right. So he's expecting me, eh? You'll be glad to see me, right? If you will come this way, sir, said Audrey, primly. went to the second door on the left and opened it. Mr. Robert up, she began and then broke off. The room was empty. She turned to the man behind her. If you will sit down, sir, I'll find the master. I know he's in, because he told me that you were coming this afternoon. Oh, he looked around the room. What do you call this place, huh? The officer. The office. The room where the master works, sir.

Works, huh? That's new. Didn't know he'd ever done a stroke of work in his life. Where he writes, sir, said Audrey, with dignity.

The fact that Mr. Mark wrote, though nobody knew what, was a matter of pride in the Housekeeper's room. Not well dressed enough for the drawing-room, eh? I will tell the master you are here, sir," said Audrey, decisively. She closed the door and left him there. Well, here was something to tell Auntie. Her mind was busy at once. going over all the things which he had said to her, and she had said to him, quiet like, directly I saw him I said to myself. Why? You could have knocked her over with a feather. Feathers indeed were a perpetual menace to Audrey. However, the immediate business was to find the master. She walked across the hall to the library, glanced in, came back a little uncertainly and stood in front of Kayleigh. If you please, sir, she said in a low, respectful voice, can you tell me where the master is? It's Mr. Robert called. What? Said Kayleigh, looking up from his book. Who? Audrey repeated her question. I don't know. Isn't he in the office? He went up to the temple after lunch. I don't think I've seen him since. Thank you, sir. I will go up to the temple. Kayleigh returned to his book. The temple was a brick summer house in the gardens at the back of the house, about 300 yards away. Here Mark meditated sometimes before retiring to the office to put his thoughts upon paper.

The thoughts were not of any great value. Moreover, they were given off at the dinner table more often than they got on to paper. And got on to paper more often than they got into print. But that did not prevent the master of the Red House from being a little pained when a visitor treated the temple carelessly as if it had been erected for the ordinary purposes of flirtation and cigarette smoking. There had been an occasion when two of his guests had been found playing fives in it. Mark had said nothing at the time. Save to ask with a little less than his usual point, whether they couldn't find anywhere else for their game. But the offenders were never asked to the Red House again. Audrey walked slowly up to the temple, looked in and walked slowly back. All that walk for nothing. Perhaps the master was upstairs in his room, not well dressed enough for the drawing room.

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