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That's Better Help H-E-L-P.com. We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick.

We are receiving this message.

We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick. We speak to you from our present, which we can

only assume is your distant past, the turbulent time that was the early 21st century.

Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization, we began this

monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge.

These recordings represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

So whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology to decrypt our transmissions,

this is our legacy to you.

This is our time capsule.

This is the omnibus. So, You have accessed entry 1016 dot LK-1202, certificate number 2111.2-2, the quadro tracker.

Wilma, I promise you,

whatever scum did this, not one man on this force

will rest for one minute until he's behind bars.

Now let's grab a bite to eat.

...