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improv4humans with Matt Besser

The Purge: Earwolf

improv4humans with Matt Besser

Matt Besser

Comedy

4.92.8K Ratings

🗓️ 31 October 2018

⏱️ 60 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This is not a test. This is your emergency podcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government & Scripps. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials and Scripps officers of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning until 7 a.m., when The Purge concludes. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May Squarespace be with you all. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace ( www.squarespace.com/IMPROV code: IMPROV) and eero ( www.eero.com/IMPROV code: IMPROV).

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

All right and keep being human. Thanks guys. All right, to get some ads this week. Yeah, here you go. Just

0:13.5

Reaches off an euro home Wi-Fi system. All right, that's cool. Yeah, pretty

0:19.5

standard. No, it's about fucking time. I get something. Yeah, you know, I've gone like three or four

0:23.7

weeks before I've gotten anything. I just been doing ads for Jim Jeffries show for fucking

0:28.5

everything. Yeah, I've been talking to Adop's, you know, who's over there? Mindy and Sophie,

0:35.9

all those people trying to get you some more ads, but it doesn't matter me what their names

0:39.4

are. What matters is I get ads. Sure. I will say across the board, there hasn't been ads

0:46.8

for most of the shows. It's just been these internal ads. Yeah, snake eating its own tail.

0:53.1

I mean, and it sounds funny when I'm plugging the Jim Jeffries show week after week. Yeah,

1:00.5

like because it sounds weird. It's almost like how me do something else. It sounds odd.

1:06.2

Why is Matt Bester love the Jim Jeffries show so much? Yeah, it's all you keep talking about.

1:09.9

That's what it seems like now with the way I don't care what it seems like to you. Sorry.

1:14.3

I'm saying I need ads. Okay, but I'm thankful for euro home Wi-Fi system. Okay. What else

1:20.3

we got here? Squarespace. I love them. Classic. Oh, fucking. All right. What the hell is this? New

1:28.0

founding fathers? Yeah, it's a new advertiser. You know, they're joining the podcast ad market.

1:36.9

I have to do a fucking ad for the purge. Well, not like purge PSAs. Yeah, it's not like

1:43.8

necessarily advertising the purge, I think. I think it's sort of maybe in line with the

1:48.4

ideals of the new founding fathers, but it's just a pretty standard ad read.

1:53.1

This is like this fucking... Just be honest, Brett. Are you going to knock on Brett if he says

2:00.8

something honest here? I would never knock on Brett. I'm always trying to... How do I turn my

2:05.5

hands down in this new place? There's like a little knob by your knees there. Yeah.

2:12.0

Great. That's what you take for and waited for. Fucking knob by my knees.

...

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