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Hi listeners, I'm David Wheeler and I have a story I want to tell you.

A story about a professor, a professor who educates and exterminates,

so gather around and listen.

Close.

I've been described as a negative little man, a wormy sort.

Yes, I'm relatively short in stature with tiny glasses adorning my face.

My hair sprouts out of my scalp like grasslings and I tend to recoil from any amiable interaction.

This, of course, shifts when I'm in the company of my students.

Their presence conjures an alternate persona in my mind.

My mind now that is not reflected in the mirror.

I possess a rather sharp mind despite my lack of physical appeal.

I can be full of wit and charm.

That is, whenever a co-ed enters my class.

My charisma emerges and I transform into the most gregarious of characters.

Those shy, awkward freshmen become entranced and I no longer resemble the reflection in my mirror.

My audience becomes enchanted by my grand performance.

The university has given me a year's contract for the fall and spring semesters.

And I am renting this little room at the top of an old 19th century Victorian home.

My landlady, Penny, is a bit inquisitive but I'm quiet and I keep to myself and my books.

I have a doctorate in psychology, have published several academic articles and taught a variety of universities around the country.

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