Ted Audio Collective.

for whatever reason, I always remember this one completely mundane interaction I had with a friend of mine. We were chatting one day and

she took a mint out of her bag and asked me if I wanted one. That's a question, she said, not

a piece of feedback. I loved how direct that was that's a question not a piece of feedback

Instead of being polite she was just up front with me.

It meant that I wasted no time trying to decode the subtext

of what she was trying to tell me,

feeling self-conscious, or second-guessing myself,

and my breath.

It really made me think of all the times we beat around the bush

trying to tell somebody something they might not want to hear

and how that might just prolong a mutual state of discomfort. Is there such a thing as being too nice? I'm Madupak andola, this is Ted Business, a podcast from the Ted Audio Collective.

Our speaker today, Psychology Professor and Author Tessa West, is here to tell us we can be too nice in the workplace and it isn't doing us any favors.

In this talk, she makes the convincing case for why and helps us think of more effective ways of giving feedback.

Then after the talk, I'll give you some guidance on how to give feedback you've been dreading.

But first, a quick break.

And now, Tessa West takes the TED stage.

So why is it the case that when we are feeling the most anxious, uncomfortable, socially

awkward versions of ourselves when our hearts are pounding and our palms are sweating and we

feel like crawling out of our skin are we also the most nice and often generic to the

people around us.

I'm a social psychologist and I've been studying

...