When my children became teens there would be a situation or two or three or five in which they do something I didn't like and in those moments it was easy for me to have a knee-jerk reaction and say, hey,

Dunderhead, stop it.

But that isn't a really good reaction.

That's a harsh reaction.

It's really best in those moments to pause and to think of a question you can ask

your team so you can listen to them. I'm John Fuller joined by my focus colleague

Dr Danny Werta and Connie Albers is a mom of five grown children

she's walked through the journey of raising teenagers and she shared some of

her insights with Jim Daly. Connie, in your book, Parenting Beyond the Rules, you mentioned the importance of listening.

And you actually, this is really challenging me because you said most parents score themselves much higher than they should when it comes to their

listening skills you know oh yeah I give myself an a and your teenager probably give you a

D or an F so how do we get closer to reality and understanding where we might have a deficit?

Ask them.

Just ask them.

Don't be afraid to ask them.

And the answer that you might get from them is very different and you've got to be receptive to what they say and then you've got to take that internally process that and ask yourself some self-reflective questions.

Am I listening to learn? and ask yourself some self-reflective questions.

Am I listening to learn or am I listening to correct?

Am I listening just to kind of appease them?

Am I fully present and engaged in hearing what they're saying?

Am I looking past what the words they're saying

so that I can hear the heart and the motive?

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