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Omnibus

The Onion Futures Act (Entry 867.NU1105)

Omnibus

Omnibus

Society & Culture, History

4.62.6K Ratings

🗓️ 1 August 2019

⏱️ 66 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In which two savvy farmers try to corner the market on onions by buying up the whole Midwestern supply, and John compares Gerald Ford to a Jesuit. Certificate #25671.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Omn is a production of My Heart Radio.

0:02.0

We are going to support emergency for the first time in a

0:07.0

opposition,

0:08.0

and uh...

0:10.0

We are receiving this message. We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick. We speak to you from our present, which we can

0:17.9

only assume is your distant past, the turbulent time that was the early 21st century.

0:23.3

Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization,

0:26.9

we began this monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge.

0:30.7

These recordings represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and

0:34.1

esoterica that would otherwise be lost. So whether you're listening from an

0:38.3

advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology to decrypt our

0:42.0

transmissions, this is our legacy to you.

0:45.5

This is our time capsule.

0:47.4

This is the omnibus. Yeah, Oh, oh, oh, oh, You have accessed entry 867.

1:15.0

NU-110 5 certificate number 2567.2567.25 671 the onion futures act.

1:25.0

No.

1:27.0

South down in April of 142.

1:30.0

That's not right. How can the price be going down? Something's wrong. Where's Wilson?

1:39.3

What are they doing here?

1:45.0

They're selling, Mortimer. Well, that's ridiculous.

1:48.0

You're a person I think of as fairly financially savvy.

1:52.0

You manage a portfolio, don't you? was fairly financially savvy.

...

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