Welcome to Love and Abuse, the show about helping you identify poisonous communication and toxic behavior.

You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

That's why it's important that you learn to pinpoint manipulative and controlling behavior so that you keep your power and your sanity.

I'm your host, Paul Koliani.

Music power and your sanity. I'm your host, Paul Koliani. What is the narcissist under the hood? What does that mean? That means if you have a family or you're in a relationship with someone

and the people outside the relationship or the family see the car but not the engine. They see the

family but not what is underneath the hood which could be kind of messy. And when you have someone that is really showing a lot

of narcissistic tendencies or has full-blown NPD narcissistic personality disorder, you can have a

real mess. That's not to say that narcissists don't have a good side. I'm going to be chewed up and spit out for that comment.

But let's put it this way.

I've met and seen narcissists and worked with clients who were with narcissists that had a

really good side, really generous side.

But as soon as you get into a relationship with them, they don't have that side with you.

They have it with others.

And so you see this good side come out of them, but they don't have it with the closest people in their life.

That's because, and this is just my own opinion, but it's based on my research and study into

narcissism.

It's based on the narcissist, believing that the closest people to him or her are basically

extensions of them.

In other words, if I'm the narcissist and I depend on my two arms and you come into my life,

you are basically my third arm.

You are something that I don't want to ever get cut off. I never want to lose it. I always want it to be a part of me and I also want it

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