The Myth of the "Perfect" Mom: Embracing Ambivalence in Motherhood

The PedsDocTalk Podcast: Child Health, Development & Parenting—From a Pediatrician Mom

Dr. Mona Amin

Medicine, Kids & Family, Health & Fitness, Parenting

4.9 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2026

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Motherhood is often painted as pure joy, endless patience, and unconditional love. But what about the moments of frustration? The resentment? The overwhelm? The quiet thought of, “I love my child… but this is really hard.” In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist Dr. Margo Lowy to talk about maternal ambivalence – the completely normal experience of holding love and difficult emotions at the same time. We unpack the difference between ambivalence and indifference, why so many mothers feel guilt for being human, and how naming these emotions actually strengthens connection rather than weakens it. If you’ve ever questioned yourself because motherhood didn’t feel magical 100 percent of the time, this conversation will feel like exhaling. We discuss: • What maternal ambivalence really means and why it’s misunderstood • Why loving your child and feeling frustrated can coexist • The myth of the “perfect, selfless mother” • How social media fuels unrealistic expectations • Why naming difficult emotions reduces shame • The power of community and choosing supportive voices • How humor and lightness protect us in hard seasons • Why responding instead of reacting changes everything • The importance of modeling emotional honesty for our children To connect with Dr. Margo Lowy follow her on Instagram @drmargolowy, check out all her resources at https://drmargolowy.com/ and buy her books: https://drmargolowy.com/book/ 00:00 – Intro: Why Difficult Feelings in Motherhood Matter 01:21 – Introducing Dr. Margo Lowy and Maternal Ambivalence 02:57 – What Maternal Ambivalence Actually Means 06:00 – Ambivalence vs Indifference: A Critical Difference 07:49 – The Myth of the Perfect, Selfless Mother 09:08 – Why Suppressing Difficult Emotions Backfires 11:01 – Letting Go of Perfection in Parenting 13:09 – The Moment You Realize Your Child Is Separate From You 17:08 – Do Fathers Experience Parenting Ambivalence Too? 19:03 – Why Parenting Plans Rarely Go as Expected 22:49 – The Power of Community and Support in Motherhood 29:11 – Social Media and the Pressure to Be the “Perfect Mom” 33:30 – How Accepting Imperfection Strengthens Parenting 43:16 – Naming Ambivalence and Finding Compassion for Yourself 49:22 – Final Takeaway: Why Naming Your Feelings Changes Everything Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and ⁠subscribe to PedsDocTalk⁠. Get trusted pediatric advice, relatable parenting insights, and evidence-based tips delivered straight to your inbox—join thousands of parents who rely on the PDT newsletter to stay informed, supported, and confident. ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠! And don’t forget to follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠@pedsdoctalkpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ on Instagram—our new space just for parents looking for real talk and real support. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the ⁠PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships⁠ page of the website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	What about those dark, difficult feelings? What we tend to do is we tend to neglect them.
0:06.0	Yeah. Put them and not really to think about them. And what I do in my work is I focus on those
0:13.5	difficult feelings because I find that there's so much value in those feelings. And really, mothering is about all our feelings.
0:26.8	And in those dark, difficult ones, this is where we really understand ourselves and our children.
0:39.6	Welcome back to the show.
0:41.2	Dr. Mona here.
0:42.2	And today we're talking about something so many mothers feel, but rarely say out loud.
0:47.5	Have you ever been laughing and playing with your kids one minute and completely
0:50.5	overstimulated the next?
0:52.2	Have you ever felt deep love and irritation in the same
0:55.5	breath towards your children? Have you ever wondered, what is wrong with me that I feel this way?
1:00.9	Nothing is wrong with you. Mother's Day in the United States is coming up and maybe you just
1:05.4	love spending all day with your kids. Maybe you want out and a day to yourself, or maybe a mix, kind of like myself.
1:12.5	All of it's correct and important to name. Today I'm joined by Dr. Margo Lowy, psychotherapist,
1:18.5	researcher, and author specializing in maternal mental health. Her book, Maternal Ambivalence,
1:23.4	The Loving Moments and Bitter Truths of Motherhood, explores the full emotional landscape of motherhood,
1:28.5	the love, the joy, the guilt, the resentment, even the rage, and why naming those feelings does not
1:34.5	make you a bad mom. It makes you human. We talk about that word maternal ambivalence and the difference
1:40.3	between ambivalence and indifference. How these mixed emotions can begin even in pregnancy,
1:45.8	why the myth of the perfect selfless mother keeps so many women silent, and how suppressing
1:50.8	difficult feelings can actually disconnect us from ourselves and from our children. We also talk
1:55.8	about what she is calling melting moments, those small flashes of connection that remind you
	...

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