Listener note, I have a cold, so for today's episode, I may sound a little Canadian.

It's late morning in early spring, 1870. Backstage at a tent theater, the aging American entertainer, P.T. Barnum, paces behind burlap curtains, anxious for his big comeback show to begin.

About five years ago, the ever ambitious PT decided to leave entertainment behind and pursue a career in another sort of three-ring circus, American politics.

PT ran for and was elected to serve in the State House in Connecticut.

Hoping for an even higher position in government, P.T. then ran for the U.S. House of Representatives.

But in a humiliating defeat, P.T. lost to his own cousin, William Henry Barnum.

With his term as a state representative nearly over

and his political career in shambles, P.T. reluctantly returned to the stage. Now, he's come up

with a new act that he hopes will revive his career as the greatest showman on earth.

When P.T. slips through the slit and the curtains and steps out onto the stage,

the tent poles shake as the audience applauds for the returning entertainer.

PT wraps his cane against the stage's wooden floor, and the crowd falls silent.

PT tells them he was officially retired from the business of curiosities

until he took a trip to the islands of Fiji,

where he happened upon an amazing creature he just had to share with the people.

Then, with the dramatic flourish, P.T. announces,

ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to Queen Saima, the living mermaid of Fiji.

The curtains open to reveal a pony painted like a zebra, pulling a large, wheeled water tank.

Inside swims a beautiful mermaid with long flowing hair and an iridescent, scaly tail.

The crowd roars with delight. Their sudden cheers spook the pony,

and as it rears, the water tank wobbles to one side and crashes to the ground. P.T. watches,

stunned, as hundreds of gallons of water spill out over the stage, and the mermaid flops hard onto the wooden floor.

...