The following is a KTCK podcast presentation.

All that implies, a ticket talk that has nothing to do with sports.

Deliver to you daily in three, two, and one.

And joining us now in studio is the man who's in charge of security out there at Prairie Lakes for this event.

It's Officer Foster.

All right.

Here we're welcome him in.

Hello, Officer Foster.

Good.

It's good to see you guys.

I'm Officer Mike Foster and I'm large and I'm in charge of security at the 17th annual April Fool's Open. Well, it's nice to have security. Now, I'm going to be out there and I'm going to be on alert for all kinds and all sorts of any types of manner of tiger-like behavior amongst and among the golfers this year's field. All right? Now, I am putting the golfers on notice and I'm putting them on blast.

I want you to know right now, but I will be rooting through everyone's pockets looking for pain peels.

Okay.

Yes, if I find any, you will be tased back into a fetal state.

No ifs, ands, or butts, or questions.

I don't want anyone thinking they can be

high on any substance that will give you any amount of respite from bone crushing pain. I don't

care what you're under. I don't care if you've got a prescription for Dr. Field Good or Dr. Sholes.

I'm telling you right now, I will not tolerate any Elridge Woods type behavior on my golf course today. All right. Fair enough. All right. So if you have hired a pressure washer truck that you plan to overtake near the golf course and you've had so much as a Tylenol, I will confiscate your vehicle. And I will make it hard for your children and grandchildren graduate from college. All right. Oh, my gosh. So no painkillers of any kind. No hydrocodone, hydromorphone, methadone, oxycodone, oxymorphone, percocet, percadone, demoral, tramidol, pathodine, morphine, codine, vicarine, or gentle opium tincture. They're all right out. You got that, Jay? You got that, Daddy?

All right. If you have any one of those, and I will, I will set loose Ranger, my drug

hating German Shepherd on you, and he will insert his canines into your nut sack, okay?

Oh my gosh. And he will not release until I give him a command that's a foreign word that means

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