4.6 • 628 Ratings
🗓️ 6 May 2017
⏱️ 22 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants by looking at the dynamics in Quadrant Two. This kind of marriage often revolves around pursuing success and keeping up appearances, but there is a world of loneliness and contempt beneath the surface. And that inner world needs to be addressed. For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.
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0:00.0 | You're listening to the Allender Center podcast with Dr. Dan Allender. This week, Dan continues our series about the marriage quadrants by looking at the dynamics in quadrant two. |
0:18.4 | This kind of marriage often revolves around pursuing success and keeping up appearances, |
0:23.6 | but there is a world of loneliness and contempt just beneath the surface. And that inner world needs |
0:29.6 | to be addressed. For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this |
0:35.6 | episode on our blog at the Allander Center.org. |
0:40.6 | We come to a second quadrant, quadrant two. And if we go back to the diagram, it is the |
0:49.0 | intersection of the little girl, good girl, with the entrepreneurial boy, abusive boy. So quadrant two, I've labeled as more of the patriarchal marriage. |
1:00.0 | In some ways, I would call it the most common marriage as sort of suburban and of a certain age frame. |
1:10.0 | Most of the people you work with, probably 40 and above, at least at this time, have some dimensions of that kind of patriarchy. |
1:20.1 | Certainly, if you're working with 50 and above, that would be the most common pattern. |
1:26.0 | It is very, very common to find in kind of suburban evangelical circles, |
1:35.8 | where it has been pressed again and again and again. |
1:38.9 | The man is the spiritual head. |
1:42.8 | The woman is the helpmeet and the particularity of that, meaning the man |
1:49.2 | leads and the woman serves. And yet service is honorable and good and leading is difficult |
1:58.2 | and is never meant to be anything other than as a servant leader. |
2:03.6 | All sorts of other language can be used of this quadrant. |
2:07.1 | But in that sense, this quadrant is a quadrant where you have much more potential for progress, for power, much more suburban urban wealth. |
2:22.3 | There's sort of a provision in this family made to advance one's social structure. |
2:29.3 | And so it is so common in this kind of a home where, you know, there will be the right schools to attend, the right sports, the right church. |
2:41.0 | So it is a highly rule-oriented, but less structural rules of right and wrong, more the social liquid rules of how to dress, |
2:57.0 | of how to shake hands, how to look in the face of the other, how to know how to make |
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