The Marriage Advice You Didn't Know You Needed (Dr. Dan Allender) | Ep. 586

Pints With Aquinas

Matt Fradd

Religion & Spirituality, Education, Christianity

4.8 • 7.1K Ratings

🗓️ 6 July 2026

⏱️ 192 minutes

🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS

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Summary

Dr. Dan Allender, trauma therapist, author, and survivor unpacks how your unexamined stories, shame, and past wounds may quietly be shaping your marriage, and what to do about it. Ep. 586 Theotokos Rosaries: https://dwplus.shop/TheotokosRosaries - - - 📚 Resources Mentioned: The Deep Rooted Marriage: https://a.co/d/02UJXeE7 Love & War: https://a.co/d/0aX4QfzZ Wild At Heart Podcast Episode featuring Dan & Becky Allender: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ-ro23hog4 Truthy 30 Day Free Trial: https://get.truthly.ai/TlbX/MATT30 - - - Today’s Sponsors: Charity Mobile: Visit https://charitymobile.com/MATTFRADD and use code MATTFRADD to get a free phone with every new line, plus free activation and free shipping. Hallow: If you’d like to grow deeper in your relationship with God, visit https://hallow.com/mattfradd and get 3 months free. Shopify: Stop waiting for permission to build something. Your next revenue stream starts free at https://shopify.com/pints . PreBorn: Families are where we first learn how to love and be loved. When we invest in families, we’re not just helping people today, we’re shaping future generations. Dial # 250 and say “BABY” or visit https://preborn.com/PINTS . Seven Weeks Coffee: Go to https://sevenweekscoffee.com/PINTS and save 15% forever when you subscribe. Plus, use code PINTS for an additional 10% off your first order and a free gift. Catholic People’s Foundation: Don't let this once-in-a-century Route 66 celebration pass you by. Visit https://V8sForVocations.org and get your tickets today. - - - Become a Daily Wire Member and watch all of our content ad-free: ⁠⁠https://www.dailywire.com/subscribe⁠⁠ 📲 Download the free Daily Wire app today on iPhone, Android, Roku, Apple TV, Samsung, and more. - - - 📕 Get my newest book, Jesus Our Refuge, here: https://a.co/d/bDU0xLb 🍺 Want to Support Pints With Aquinas? 🍺 Get episodes a week early and join exclusive live streams with me! Become an annual supporter at 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://mattfradd.locals.com/support⁠⁠⁠⁠ - - - 💻 Follow Me on Social Media: 📌 Facebook: https://facebook.com/mattfradd 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/mattfradd 𝕏 Twitter/X: ⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/Pints_W_Aquinas⁠⁠⁠ 🎵 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠https://tiktok.com/@pintswithaquinas⁠⁠⁠ 📚 PWA Merch – ⁠⁠⁠https://dwplus.shop/MattFraddMerch⁠⁠ 👕 Grab your favorite PWA gear here: https://shop.pintswithaquinas.com - - - Privacy Policy: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.dailywire.com/privacy⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Can we slow down and ask the question, what is trauma?
0:03.0	It is a kind of eruption, disruption, a violation.
0:08.0	There's the second element, and that is a sense of powerlessness.
0:12.0	Being told, it's not your fault. It's a beautiful sentence, but it deals with the problem at about 30,000 feet.
0:18.0	You've got to be able to step into the story.
0:20.0	I've heard that trauma lives in the body, and I don't know what that means.
0:23.6	Your vagal nerve is the super highway of all your affect, all your emotions.
0:29.6	It's what brings us to a kind of disconnection, to feeling certain things that feel too disruptive.
0:36.6	And so it's a great gift at times, because if I'm being chased by a tiger,
0:40.3	I don't think I want to actually feel. I need to move.
0:45.3	Contempt for our spouse. I think you said this is what kills marriages.
0:50.3	We often think conflict is what divides us. It isn't.
0:53.3	Conflict is what gives us. It isn't.
0:54.5	Conflict is what gives us the potentiality for curiosity, for a kind of, who are you?
1:00.9	Like what planet did you come from?
1:04.5	The world is filled with two-dimensional people who have checked out.
1:08.4	I don't want to do it.
1:09.5	I don't want to be like that. How is it possible
1:12.1	you could let your life be inert by pointless distractions when there is so much life in God?
1:36.3	Trauma therapist that specializes in sexual abuse. Yes.
1:37.3	A horrible end of it.
1:39.3	I'm going to launch probably like that.
	...

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