Hey, Isabella, I should probably start with, do you know who Mark Schlereth is?

I don't think so.

Right, so that's okay.

He's an analyst, an NFL analyst.

Okay.

And he went on a podcast and said that he, quote, I always pee on the floor.

Oh.

Oh, Mark.

Somebody asked him about when you go on a plane and, you know, when you travel, somebody was like,

I hate when you wear flip-flops on a plane.

I think that's nasty.

That really makes me mad.

And his co-host said, should the people in flip-flops on airplanes, should they be executed?

Which is crazy. He says that. Well, and then Mark Schlerath made the headline.

That's how you know what Mark Schlerth is about to say is even more insane than that.

He said, well, I don't know about that, but I always pee on the floor to make sure.

I've seen people walk in socks in the bathroom. I always pee on the floor to make sure if you walk in in socks, you're getting urine in your feet. I need to take off my headphones. Just jail, everyone. I don't know what. I have always wondered why those bathrooms are getting so wet on the floor. Oh, ew. And then you're stepping, it's like stepping in like a frat house, except it's not a layer of beer, it's a layer of piss. To find out that Mark Schlerath is just in there pissing on the floor, because he wants me to wear my shoes for an entire flight? Wait, is he actively trying to pee on the floor? Is he, because the because the airplane's moving and he kind of gets a dribble over?

No, he's admitting the reason he pees on the floor is because it pisses him off when people take their shoes off on a plane.

Ew.

What is wrong with you?

I thought that it was because of the bouncing.

I was being way too generous. I thought so, too. These poor men are having to wield a hose. This feels like a crime. This feels like a crime. You should be ashamed. Ashamed, I say. Shame. Shame. The plane. Get the air marshal. Oh, God, I don't like this cold open.

...