So I will just take them as they come and do the best I can.

How did you keep from being bitter towards God when your first husband Jim was killed?

That's a question I've been asked probably a hundred times,

and for the life of me I cannot

imagine being bitter at God because he is my only refuge. I gave you that verse from Isaiah

43 when you pass through the waters I will be with you and if get bitter at God, then I have drawn away from him the only

refuge in the universe. When I hear people talk about being angry at God, I think I cannot imagine

a more hideously dangerous position to put yourself in because where else can you turn?

So, I mean, it's not as though I have any credit for this. I was a helpless widow with a 10-month-old baby and a whole

missionary station to run by myself. How was I going to do this if I decided that I was mad at God?

I couldn't possibly have done it. Even though you had two circumstances under the same heading,

deaths of your husbands, did you find that they were very different? Yes, they were very different.

Jim's death was very quick, relatively speaking. It wasn't nearly as quick as I had hoped, but when I got to talk with the men

who had done the killing, it was quite clear that it was a long process to get five men dead.

But with my second husband, I had to watch the deterioration that so many of you have had to watch

when you watch someone die of cancer. He was a very big man, he was an athletic man,

very outgoing, wonderful writer and speaker,

and I had to watch him disintegrate for 10 months,

so it was a very different experience.

When Jim died, were you in denial?

Thank God, no, because nobody had ever thought of such a thing in those days.

You know, these... We didn't know we were supposed to...

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