The Gift of Holiday Men

Modern Love

The New York Times

Society & Culture, Nyt, Nytimes, Loss, Redemption, Storytelling, New York Times, Love, Essay

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 5 July 2023

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Kema Christian-Coates’s childhood was filled with “holiday men,” absentee fathers — including her own — who returned each year around Christmas only to disappear again. Her father’s absence left a hole in her life and the fear that she, like her mother and grandmother, would never find a man she could rely on. Today, we hear Kema’s story on realizing the power of her mother and grandmother’s presence in her life and on finding a lasting partnership.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Love now and do you follow us?
0:04.6	I just thought I love love stronger than anything.
0:07.6	I love love love.
0:09.1	And I love you more than anything.
0:12.1	I love love.
0:16.2	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
0:18.3	Welcome to Modern Love.
0:20.2	And happy holiday week, everyone.
0:22.9	Since it's a holiday, today we've gotten essay by Kima Christian Taylor about people
0:27.3	she calls Holiday Men.
0:30.3	Kima's essay is read by Sheena Small.
0:39.1	I am the daughter of a holiday man.
0:41.3	That's what my grandmother called the three generations of absentee fathers in our family.
0:47.7	Like clockwork, they would show up around Christmas and then disappear again to where about
0:52.6	it's unknown.
0:56.3	Growing up, I struggled with the absence of my own father.
0:59.7	My grandfather, a former holiday man, was trying to pay his penance to my grandmother, his
1:05.8	first wife.
1:07.6	He was a gardener and he planted his remorse in the soil where it blossomed into a lemon
1:13.5	tree and then a fig tree and then a plum, orange, peach and apple.
1:20.1	All lined up in a colored row behind our garage.
1:24.9	They always come back.
	...

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