Man, shiving socks. I wish I could find a good razor that didn't give me a riser burn and cut my face off and cost a whole paycheck.

Well you should stop rubbing gravel in your face like an idiot and shopping at the garbage store and buying little plastic things you just rub on your face

they don't do anything.

But I'm dumb and clueless.

What shall I do my beer-ass looking shopping expert friend?

Listen, if you want to be better at kissing and to look really cool and sexual like me, you need

to go and try Harry's raisers.

They're high quality, they're engineered by real live Germans, they're sharper than katana

swords, and they're half the price of the gravel

that you've been rubbing on your face in an attempt to make less hair grow on that.

But I've never heard of this hairy.

Who did I come from?

It was founded by two actual human men, just like you and me,

who were sick of cutting their face up every day

by rubbing gravel on it in an attempt to be more hairless.

Instead of not rubbing gravel, they did a thing about it and now they have these

awesome raisers. For $15 you can just go and get the True Man's Starter Kit which comes with a

razor, your choice of shaving, lubricant oils, or Harry's all new space

age foaming gel for your face, as well as three badass raisers made from former swords at a German

factory that used to manufacture tanks.

And the German factory was so cool, the guys liked it so much they bought the place.

And anyway, once you buy these things, you should also try out Harry's brand new aftershave

...