Just imagine what your best Christmas ever would sound like.

Thank you for calling National Lottery. I can see you calling about a winner today, is that correct?

Yeah, I think I have. I'd just take to double check before I do a cartwheel.

Yeah, I can confirm that you have won the top prize 1.2 million oh my

what happy Christmas why do now you have the best Christmas ever this, it could be you.

The National Lottery.

Rules and procedures apply.

Players must be 18 or over. Hello and I'm I. I'm Gabriel Marcofty and I'm excited because today I am joined by not one

but two outstanding former Premier League strikers, Mr. James Skokroft coming through us through

the magic of telephony from some place deep in wherever

St. Edmunds is, and Tony Casparino right here in the studio in living color, and with them is Julian Lawrence.

Coming up we'll be talking a little bit of Olympics because kind of these first two weeks of the

Premier League season were a little bit dull so we need to digress into that.

Plus of course the great

Matthew sighed columnist of the year wrote about this issue as well but first

we're going to start with the actual football starting all the way

back on Friday and I don't even cast your mind back that far to Manchester United and Southampton.

Scoey, I think we can out you as a United fan since you've probably outed yourself

by writing columns and you actually write them yourself you don't have a

ghostwriter in the United We Stand Fanzine under the legendary Andy Mitten.

So let's start with you. So much hype, Pogma's debut, what were you thinking

when he miscontrolled that first ball? I'm thinking the whole world will be laughing now

...