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Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

The Friendships We Need (Will Schwalbe)

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

Elise Loehnen

Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality, Self-improvement, Education

4.8900 Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2023

⏱️ 55 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

“A conversation that I hope this book sparks, because it's such a fun conversation, is the conversation about like, gay men being friends with straight men. But also straight women being friends with straight men. Like, you know, being friends, like a lot of times writings on friendship talk about women and their best friends or straight men and they're like bro friends, or even gay men and their gay friends. But I would love to see more writing about friendships across these artificial gender lines.” So says Will Schwalbe, someone I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for a long time. In fact, our lives have overlapped in strange and magical ways—a testament, really, to the way that we are all interconnected. Sometimes improbably. Besides being a long-time, venerated book editor, Will has written four books, including one of my long-time favorites—it’s called The End of Your Life Bookclub, and it’s a memoir about his mother, who died of pancreatic cancer. In her final years, Will and his mom read together, and discussed their lives through the prism of books. It’s beautiful. And his latest book, which we discuss today, is also incredibly, and quietly, moving: It’s called We Should Not Be Friends. It’s about Will and a guy named Chris Maxey, or Maxey, who Will met his senior year of college in the ‘80s—Maxey was a world-class wrestler, who ultimately became a Navy Seal, while the bookish Will worked the Gay Men’s Health Crisis phone lines at night. Point is: They could not have been more different.  The book is a powerful treatise on what friendship is—and what’s required for intimacy, particularly in a culture where there aren’t many examples of friendships between gay and straight men, or between straight men and women either. We explore all of this. MORE FROM WILL SCHWALBE: We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship Books for Living: Some Thoughts on Reading, Reflecting, and Embracing Life The End of Your Life Bookclub Send: Why People Email So Badly and How To Do It Better Will Schwalbe’s Website Follow Will on Twitter and Instagram To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hi, it's Elise Lunan, host of Pulling the Thread.

0:03.2

My guest today is the wonderful Will Schwabby,

0:06.5

author of many incredible books, including the just-released We Should Not Be Friends.

0:12.1

Love game shows?

0:13.9

And here's a question for you.

0:15.6

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0:20.5

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0:22.6

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0:25.6

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0:30.6

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0:32.6

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0:35.6

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0:38.3

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0:40.9

Hi, it's Elise Loonan, host of pulling theread. I'm an author, podcast host, and parent who built a long career in media. I grew up in a state of perpetual curiosity, investigating the world and asking a lot of questions. In this show, I chat with culture defining leadersining leaders, thinkers, and experts about this rare

1:12.4

moment that we find ourselves in and how to think about our own lives and experiences within

1:17.5

a larger social and spiritual construct.

1:21.7

A conversation that I hope this book sparks, because it's such a fun conversation,

1:26.8

is the conversation about, like,

1:29.3

gay men being friends with straight men, but also straight women being friends with straight men.

1:35.8

Like being, you know, being friends, like a lot of times writings on friendship talk about women and their best friends or straight men and

1:48.0

they're like girlfriends or even gay men and they're gay friends.

1:53.2

But I would love to see more writing about friendships across these artificial gender lines.

...

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