The First Mrs. Claus
Darkest Night
The Paragon Collective
4.4 • 2.5K Ratings
🗓️ 4 December 2018
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This is the debut of The First Mrs. Claus podcast.
Under rigorous pressure from DICK (the Department of Internal Christmas Knowledge), Hot Coco reveals the truth about the origins of Christmas as we know it, as well as her own past with the man who became Santa Claus.
Cast List:
Hot Coco - Michelle Visage
Ari Aka Santa - Lewis Black
Coco Claus - Kristin Chenoweth
Attorney Sal Vation - Cecil Baldwin
Judge Green - RuPaul
Olivier de Elf - Ross Matthews
Ed N. Forcer - David Cummings
Nancy Grace - Nancy Grace
Written by Michael Ross and Alex Aldea
Directed by Alex Aldea and Michael Ross
Edited by Alex Aldea
Score composed by Andrew Joslyn and Alex Aldea
Believe was written by Alex Aldea and features Camila Recchio as well as Ray Dalton
Foley and Sound Design: Alex Aldea
Mixed by Dave West
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, darkest night listeners, it's Alex L. Dea and as promised, I'm back to debut a very new show. |
| 0:07.7 | It's called the first Mrs. Claus and it's a comedy musical podcast starring Michelle Vessage, |
| 0:14.6 | Lewis Black, Kristen Chenoweth, RuPaul, Cecil Baldwin from Night Vale, Ross Matthews, |
| 0:23.3 | David Cummings from the No Sleep Podcast, Josh Peck, Kate Siegel, and many more. |
| 0:30.1 | Here's the first episode. Hope you enjoy. |
| 0:37.5 | Hello, friend Nancy Grace here. Before we begin today's special series, I want to give you |
| 0:43.1 | a tiny warning. This year on Crime Stories, we've covered some of the biggest threats facing the |
| 0:49.4 | US today. When it came to murder dad, the killer dog Grimmer and taught Fight Club, I was there |
| 0:56.9 | on the ground and the field to bring you the truth. But this special short series, well, |
| 1:05.1 | it brings us right onto the front lines of America's greatest culture war, the war on Christmas. |
| 1:13.4 | Yes, friend, you heard me right, the war on Christmas. Brace yourself to hear shocking, |
| 1:19.8 | disturbing allegations about none other than Santa. Yes, Santa Claus. Can you believe that? |
| 1:28.1 | I can't, but it's true. Turns out there really is nothing sacred anymore. |
| 1:35.3 | The defendant in this case calls herself hot cocoa, but hot masses more like it. |
| 1:41.2 | The sick things this woman claims, the thing she has done well, let's go behind closed doors |
| 1:47.4 | and let the tape roll for these incredibly exclusive court proceedings. |
| 1:53.3 | From the Pyragon Collective, this is the first Mrs. Claus. |
| 2:03.7 | Order in the court. Mr. Vaishan, the floor is yours. |
| 2:09.1 | Thank you, Your Honor. We've convened tonight at this unusual time, on this unusual date to tell what time |
| 2:18.7 | is it anyway. Did I miss 420? What, Your Honor, it's hours past. Jesus Christ. |
| 2:26.0 | Yes, he is very much with us tonight as we seek justice for this heinous crime and bring an end |
| 2:33.0 | to a cultural black once and for all. Your Honor? What? Uh oh, yeah. Get on with it. Very well. |
... |
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