I remember this argument so vividly, man. I was in our bedroom and we were in the middle of another fight

and this was super normal for us at this time. Laila and I were fighting all the time. In fact, I was convinced that this was like the tail end of our marriage.

We were gonna end up in divorce. I was looking up divorce lawyers and trying to figure out my head like custody

where would my son and daughter go once we separated. It was just a dark season, man. I just come off of failed church plan.

I had been in the church world, church leadership for over a decade and helped plant the church with sideways

and the guy who was leading that, it just turned into a huge mess, really, really hurt me in the process.

I've heard a ton of people but hurt me too in the process and so I'm just struggling with my identity.

I was like deep in depression and my own sand and junk and in isolation and my marriage has fallen apart.

I was sucking as a husband and as a dad and we're standing in the bedroom and she says something to me

that I know like it's gonna trigger a fight and so I'm like, okay, let's fight, you know, let's get into it.

And so she says something to me and then I say something back to her on purpose to hurt her and then her

eyes filled up with tears, which you guys know if you've listened to this podcast for a long time,

Laila's usually the strong one, she's the emotional rock. I'm usually more emotionally like I can go sideways

quick. I've grown a lot in that area. Laila's helped me grow a lot in that area but I'm just the emotional one

and can say things out of emotion that I end up regretting. And so that's what I did here. I said

something on purpose to hurt her in the height of my emotions and she got tears in her eyes and I

thought, oh, she's getting emotional. I must be winning this argument. And she looked at me after

pausing and she said, Jared, I just want you to know that I've been waking up every morning.

I set my alarm for two in the morning and I go into the living room and I've been getting on my

face and I've been begging God to capture your heart again. And that was really, I've said the story

to you guys multiple times. I've written about this but that was really a life changing moment.

That sentence in particular was a life changing sentence because I was ready to fight. I was ready to

...