The EXACT System We Use To Train Our Kids To Do Anything
The Family Teams Podcast
Jeff Bethke
4.9 • 729 Ratings
🗓️ 19 February 2026
⏱️ 22 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
The Bible tells parents to train their children, so you know we take that seriously here at Family Teams.
But did you know there's a different between training your children and disciplining them?
Discipline is part of the training process, but it's certainly not the whole thing.
Learn the systems we use to train our kids to do everything from:
- Cleaning up around the house before dinner,
- Listen immediately and cheerfully
- Quietly put themselves to bed
- Cook meals
- Clean up after meals
...and much, much more!
On this episode, we talk about:
0:00 Intro
1:03 System vs philosophy
3:37 3 reasons why you need a framework
5:46 What should your training system look like?
14:02 How to get your kids to clean the house every day
16:49 Organic vs. systems thinking
Resources Mentioned:
Get our free "tips to train your child" PDF: https://familyteams.com/train
Join the Accelerator to go deeper on this: https://familyteams.com/accelerator
Follow Family Teams:
Facebook: https://facebook.com/famteams
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/familyteams
Website: https://www.familyteams.com
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Hi, welcome to the Family Teams podcast! Our goal here is to help your family become a multigenerational team on mission by providing you with Biblically rooted concepts, tools and rhythms! Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke. Make sure to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube so you don't miss out on future episodes!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | She just said, wow, I love my life. |
| 0:03.8 | That's right. |
| 0:04.5 | And it was incredible to think about the difference between the chaos of that hour, |
| 0:08.3 | taking what for Chandler was the hardest hour of her day, and turning it into her favorite hour of the day, that is the power of this tool. |
| 0:18.6 | All right. |
| 0:19.3 | Welcome back to the Family Teams podcast. I'm Blake Allsmith, and I've got Jeff Bethke, Jeremy P to the family teams podcast. |
| 0:21.4 | I'm Blake Allsmith, and I've got Jeff Bethke, Jeremy Pryor, and April Prior. |
| 0:25.6 | We got some parenting and family leadership experts here that we are going to be talking about how do you create a training system within your family. |
| 0:34.7 | We've talked before talking about the importance of training and how the Bible really just described one of the primary roles that we have in our family is that we need to be training our children. And so that's different, obviously, than discipline. Discipline, very important, right? When your kid does something wrong, we should discipline them. But that is actually a different topic of conversation. Today we're talking about proactively training your children, not just to not do bad, but how to live into |
| 0:59.4 | the mission and culture and tasks that your family has been assigned, right? And so that's what |
| 1:05.6 | we're going to be talking in here. Jeff, maybe to kick it off, talk to me a little bit about the |
| 1:09.3 | importance of creating a training system versus just having maybe a training philosophy. Yeah, the difference in having a system versus having a philosophy is a system just has clear details. It has, you know when you start, you know when you're in the middle, you know when you finished, you know what a reward is, you know when you don't succeed and you know how you're going to do it |
| 1:27.5 | better. And so this is really, really important. And I would say make sure you have those things when you are training. So in our family, the way this looks like is I don't tend to have endless energy to train and I tend to have a little bit of type B in my personality. And so I kind of have to go after these sprints where rather than just always being |
| 1:44.6 | really good at training, I have to focus for a season. And when I focus and say, hey, this is going to end it this time. If we do well, it actually does better for me and it does better for the kids. And so one recently on the table that the kids are doing right now. And I just get out a pen and a paper, we usually hang it up on the wall, and right now it is, you know, each kid gets a point |
| 2:02.3 | every time they kind of listen immediately, quickly, which, And I just get out a pen and a paper. We usually hang it up on the wall. And right now it is, |
| 2:01.0 | you know, each kid gets a point every time they kind of listen immediately, quickly with joy and like with honor. And so we just, throughout the day, we're like, oh, go give yourself a point. Oh, go give yourself a point. Oh, go give yourself a point. Right. And then it usually might take them three to four weeks to each get 25 or 50 or whatever. And at the end of that, this one is fun right now we're doing, |
| 2:18.6 | where they all have to get, I think, 50 points. And once they're all encouraging one another to do it, by the way. And once they all get 50 points, the prizes, they all get to have a huge friend party where they get to invite three friends over, pizza, all that stuff. And by the way, it's also a little hack to have multiple play dates and friend parties all at once. So we're not having four days of play dates. It's just knock it out with like 12 friends all on one day. And then they're all happy for a long time. But that's the one right there. It's a clear reward. It's clearly being measured. It's a piece of paper and a pencil on a wall. And that's the difference between the philosophy and a system. Oh, that's excellent. If you're listening to this right now and maybe in the past week or two when you've had a marriage meeting, maybe you've put on the list something like we need to start trying harder to train in this or we need to try harder to do that. I don't know about you, but often my wife and I, |
| 3:24.3 | that's our solution to the problem is we just need to try harder as opposed to maybe we need a system. If that's you, I want you to go to family teams.com slash train and say, okay, before we try harder as the solution, maybe we should, maybe we should try a training system. Maybe we should systematizer, come up with a framework for this. |
| 3:25.7 | And so we actually have some tips. |
| 3:42.6 | If you're looking to do that, go to family teams.com slash train and check that out. Totally free. PDF that you guys can talk through. And I don't know, maybe it'll make it a little bit easier as opposed to just put more sweat into it. So, okay, so we're talking about system versus just having a philosophy, like we should be training, we should be trying to train. Let's talk a little bit about maybe what's at stake. |
| 3:47.8 | What if you don't have a system? Maybe you want to just say, you know what, we adhere to this |
| 3:51.2 | general idea, and I try to train whenever I get to it. This is a big passion point for me, |
... |
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