4.6 • 628 Ratings
🗓️ 3 July 2025
⏱️ 49 minutes
🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS
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DARVO—”Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender”—is a powerful manipulation tactic often used to silence those who speak up about harm. In this episode, Dan and Rachael unpack how DARVO shows up not only in personal relationships but also in churches, politics, and other systems where power is protected at all costs.
Together, they explore the deep psychological and spiritual impact of DARVO, particularly in narcissistic relationships or systems. Drawing from Dr. Jennifer Freyd’s work on betrayal trauma, they name the disorientation, grief, and exile that often follow when someone dares to speak what is true.
What happens when cruelty masquerades as righteousness? When loyalty is measured by silence? This conversation holds space for those heartbreaks—and offers fierce, grounded hope.
In a culture that often gaslights those who cry out for justice, Dan and Rachael remind us: love, truth, and healing are not just possible—they are sacred acts of resistance. And it’s not something we confront alone. With the presence of wise, compassionate others—therapists, pastors, friends, and communities of care—we can learn to trust what is true, reclaim our voice, and boldly participate in the redemptive work of love.
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0:00.0 | Thank you for listening to the Allender Center podcast. |
0:07.5 | I'm Dr. Dan Allender. |
0:09.0 | And I'm Rachel Clinton-Cenn. |
0:10.8 | We're fiercely committed to providing hope and healing to a fragmented world. |
0:15.0 | And restoration for the heart. |
0:17.5 | Thank you for joining us. |
0:18.8 | Let's get this conversation started. |
0:30.4 | Thank you for joining us. Let's get this conversation started. You have heard me talk about the conflicts Beck and I have had in the kitchen, |
0:38.0 | particularly with the infamous dishrag. |
0:43.0 | Again, the issue was, for those who don't remember, |
0:47.5 | so many moons ago, Becky looked at me and said, |
0:53.4 | are you afraid of the dish rack? And I'm like, what? |
0:57.2 | She said, well, you never squeeze the water out. I'm just assuming that you're terrified of it. |
1:04.1 | That's why you don't want to touch it. Well, it was humorous. It was a point well made. |
1:15.7 | And I began squeezing that damn thing to make sure it was as bone dry as humanly possible. Okay. So that's the context. We were out with friends and something |
1:22.8 | came up about conflicts since COVID and the dish ride came up. |
1:28.6 | And I said with an immense, shall we say, integrity and certainty, |
1:35.9 | that it's no longer an issue. |
1:38.6 | And Becky cackled, first of all, that's a really important verb. |
1:44.2 | I love my wife's laugh, but this was a cackle. |
1:50.2 | And she went, are you kidding? |
1:54.3 | Maybe one out of ten times do you squeeze that terrifying piece of cloth? |
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