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TED Talks Daily

The difference between healthy and unhealthy love | Katie Hood

TED Talks Daily

TED

Creativity, Ted Podcast, Ted Talks Daily, Business, Design, Inspiration, Society & Culture, Science, Technology, Education, Tech Demo, Ted Talks, Ted, Entertainment, Tedtalks

4.111.9K Ratings

🗓️ 6 August 2020

⏱️ 11 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In a talk about understanding and practicing the art of healthy relationships, Katie Hood reveals the five signs you might be in an unhealthy relationship -- with a romantic partner, a friend, a family member -- and shares the things you can do every day to love with respect, kindness and joy. "While love is an instinct and an emotion, the ability to love better is a skill we can all build and improve on over time," she says.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to TED Talks Daily. I'm Elise Hume. Today's talk is something we can all use,

0:08.9

whether it's in our friendships, work relationships, or romance. Relationship revolutionary, Katie

0:14.6

Hood will help you audit your relationships to look for signs of unhealthy behaviors or patterns.

0:23.8

Because, as she says in her TED 2019 archive talk,

0:29.1

understanding what we don't want from love is key to doing relationships better.

0:36.0

So when you think about a child, a close friend, or a romantic partner,

0:38.9

the word love probably comes to mind,

0:48.3

and instantly other emotions rush in. Joy and hope, excitement, trust, and security, and yes, sometimes sadness and disappointment. There might not be a word in the dictionary that

0:53.0

more of us are connected to than love.

0:56.4

Yet given its central importance in our lives,

0:59.2

isn't it interesting that we're never explicitly taught how to love?

1:03.4

We build friendships,

1:05.6

navigate early romantic relationships,

1:08.0

get married and bring babies home from the hospital

1:10.2

with the expectation that

1:11.3

we'll figure it out. But the truth is, we often harm and disrespect the ones we love. It can be subtle

1:18.5

things like gilting a friend into spending time with you, or sneaking a peek at your partner's texts,

1:25.3

or shaming a child for their lack of effort at school.

1:29.3

100% of us will be on the receiving end of unhealthy relationship behaviors,

1:33.7

and 100% of us will do unhealthy things.

1:37.2

It's part of being human.

1:39.8

In its worst form, the harm we inflict on loved ones shows up as abuse and violence,

...

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